On Being SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

Living in the northern US -- about as far as you can go before hitting Canada -- has its drawbacks. Aside from having a sense of "island fever on dry land," to quote one of my bosses, the extreme cold, snow, and short daylight hours can wreak havoc on an otherwise perfectly happy person. Like me.

Disclaimer: Neither this post nor I can be considered competent medical authority. If you or someone you know suffers from any ailment, seek proper medical attention through your doctor.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD (and someone should be punished severely for naming a form of depression such that its acronym is depressing) is a condition related to the changing of seasons, most often during the winter months. The lack of daylight and resulting change in circadian rhythm are, at least for me, the principle cause (though some people suffer from SAD during the spring and summer months).

I have never, that I know of, been depressed in a clinically diagnosable sense in my life -- I haven't had a reason to be, and I don't now -- but I have for a number of weeks and without question been "not right." Even with an exciting new project being released, a job writing book and movie reviews at an upcoming fiction website, a perfectly great marriage and talk of children, enough money to survive with wiggle room, and so much more, I have been inexplicably... well... sad.

I've even caught myself trying to turn to alcohol for relief. I rarely consume any alcohol at all except the occasional wine, but a glass of good bourbon has somehow found its way into an almost nightly routine -- I know better, and that's been nipped in the bud. My wife has taken notice and I can't figure out a way to broach the topic without her feeling somehow responsible. I need to tell her, and perhaps this post will help explain things, but the thought of making someone else sad makes things worse.

Aside from knowing something's wrong and discovering that I am more prone than I thought to turn to "alternative relief" (alcohol), I can't quite figure out how to articulate what or how I feel, and certainly not why. It's incredibly frustrating if for no other reason than the fact that I don't understand it and can't get through it myself -- not something that happens to me often.

What I can identify as a possible (partial) cause is my job. My work in the Air Force is done in secure environments, meaning no windows (and so no sunlight). I generally work a 12 hour shift from 6:45 AM to 6:45 PM, and so I come and go from work during the hours of darkness. Even if I work a night shift, I end up sleeping all of the next day away, so that's no help, really. Certainly this can be said to add to the problems of shorter days -- not only is there less light, but I rarely even see what sunlight there is in a day.

As for the solution, I suppose we'll have to see. If this continues, I will seek medical advice (assuming I can explain myself better than I have here). Otherwise, I think trying to steal away a few minutes at a time during the day to get some sun, when it's available, and -- put simply -- getting the hell over it are the best remedies for me for now.

If anyone else, though, is suffering from this disorder or any other kind of depression or even mania (apparently a rare, but possible, manifestation of SAD), seek out your doctor's advice. My case -- if it is a case -- is a mild one, but others can and do suffer much greater symptoms than these. Take care of yourselves, folks -- this is a life worth living and enjoying every second of.

God bless,

John

Originally published at The Aspiring Professional