On the Brink of Stardom?

I swear to God, I'm going to scream if I hear that one more time. I don't want to be the next anyone... I'm just Candice Cain. I'm your average gal with her own event and travel planning business. I've got a husband. I've got two kids. sure, I used to act-- but that feels like a lifetime ago. I used to think that I was going to be a huge star, like some of the people I went to college with-- Kerry and Ptolemy. I thought that ship had sailed.

I filmed my last project in the early Spring of 2005, right before I got married. It was called True Measure, and I played a pregnant woman that got hit by a car. It was a SAG student film, and I don't even think it was ever completed in post-production. I really haven't done anything since then. My husband and I had twins, and I knew - at least, I thought I knew - that my "Hollywood Days" were over.

But, here I am, back in the entertainment industry-- Potentially with my own show. It's terrifying. People keep telling me how fabulous I am. I have a frickin' stylist, for crying out loud. I feel more unprepared to step into this role than I have ever felt about any other role in my life... And I'm not talking about being a host of a reality TV show. I'm talking about all roles: mother, wife, teacher... I just feel so out of control. I'm a nervous wreck, even the best masseuse can't work out the tension in my shoulders and neck.

I keep asking myself if this is something that I really want... And, truth be told, I really, really do. I may complain about the work and the hours that go into it, but I know that I am securing a good financial future for my kids-- At least, that is the reason that I do everything that I do anyway. Plus, I'm pretty much a WAHM (work At Home Mom), so doing this show will give me the opportunity to spend even more time with my family and not be as stressed out. Hey, maybe I'll be able to hire a few more people to work for me with my travel and event planning services, so that I can branch out.

I wonder what I will feel like if and when the first show airs... What did Rachel Ray feel like? What about Oprah? What about Madonna? Believe me, there is no way that I am comparing myself to these celebrity women... I'm just wondering what they felt like when they were standing on the brink of stardom. Did anyone tell them that they were going to be a star? Were they compared to someone that was already famous? I wish I could get some advice from one of them. Or some reassurance. Or a slap in the face to knock me into reality.

One of the big reasons I left the entertainment industry in the first place was because I couldn't handle the fake people... People that would hug you and stab you in the back while they were doing it. Those that took advantage of you while you were down. It is very difficult to be a genuine person in a disingenuous industry. People don't believe you if you are kind-- They think that you are out for something. And, if you are cold, they call you a bitch. So, where is the happy medium? Will I get a reputation? Will I deserve the reputation I get?

All I care about is my family and our happiness. As long as we are all happy, I will continue on my red and white striped path... But if one tear is shed that mommy isn't home enough, I'm done. If that pulls me back from the brink of stardom, so be it.