On the Cusp of 25

As she eyeballed the calendar where I drew a smiley-face on 11 January, my wife mentioned ever-so-casually: "...If I'd have known I was going to be waking up to you every morning I'd have never agreed to that first date..."

That wife of mine. She's crazy about me. She just won't admit it. I don't remember how I answered her back. Probably something along the lines of, "...You won't have that problem any more if you wake up and find me in New Mexico..." She of course knows that I am joking. Just like I'm pretty sure she is joking. But you know, as her and I creep up on the quarter-century mark of wedded bliss, it's dawned on me that it took a whole lot of miles beneath our feet to get to the point of being able to kid about our marriage.

Surely over the years we've both had our moments of feeling fed up with one another. But not so fed up that we wanted to pack our bags and head out the door. Or maybe we did head out the door but managed to come back before the other person woke up the next morning. And perhaps therein lays the secret - if there even is one: You always live to love another day (and hopefully it will be with the same person).

Statistics reveal that not every couple is so lucky. An recent on-line article on nytimes.com reported that more Americans are getting divorced than married, and those that do marry are doing so a lot later in life: In fact, older baby boomers were most likely to have been through a divorce -- 38 percent of males in their 50s were divorced, as were 41 percent of females. I'm not sure this dilemma is just a problem in America.

According to an article in washingtonpost.com, in France more couples opt to live together than get married, while in India the average life-span of a marriage is pegged at right about 25 years (it doesn't say what happens after 25 years - maybe the couple just calls it quits after reaching that particular milestone). But one thing is sure: these days, marriage as an institution is not that big a deal any more. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if it was that big a deal when my wife and I got married. We'd only known each other for about 5 months or so and it just seemed like if we didn't get married soon we probably wouldn't get married at all. I don't know how far that line-of-thinking will get you in 2009, but it sure made sense when I was a lot younger.

I didn't realize how much of an industry there was at making marriages work. There are literally hundreds of courses on-line that promise to teach you and your spouse how to make marriage last. I wonder how a typical couple - faced with the challenge of earning a living and raising a family - can even find the time to think about such a course, let alone take one. According to masteringmarriage.com, you and your spouse can learn about what it takes to make your marriage kick into high gear for the low, low price of $19.95. I can tell you, when we first got married -- if my wife and I had an extra $19.95 sitting around gathering dust, we sure wouldn't have spent it on a marriage course. It would have been on something much more superficial - like food.

I guess there are some secrets to a long-lasting marriage. But you shouldn't have to pay 20 bucks to learn them. According to stcharleschurch.org, it's as simple as 1-2-3. (Well actually there are 7 steps)

1. Be sure you trust each other.

2. Be a good listener.

3. Be compassionate when necessary.

4. Give in on "equal measure" to one another

5. Above all - love each other.

6. Pray together and God will be there for you.

7. Having a sense of humor in life helps enormously.

I keep looking for a step that says "Keep moving forward" or something to that effect. Maybe its buried in here somewhere. Regardless, this is actually a pretty interesting site. Lots of little ancedotes from couples married anywhere from 25 to 40 to even 60 years. I never asked my wife what the secret is to a long marriage and I don't think I want to know. Whatever it is, it probably has less to do with me and more to do with her.

In fact, I think I just came up with Step Number 8: "My wife gets all the credit".