On Keeping Christ, Losing Christianity

The summer after I graduated high school and before I begat my stint in Community college, I worked as a "courtesy associate," for Wal-Mart, which is basically a fancy euphemism for a cart pusher who occasionally is asked to help geriatric customers load groceries into their car or give a hand to some sorority girls in stuffing oversized furniture into their Jettas. Anyways, one day, while roping (literally) a large row of carts into the store, I noticed a bumper sticker plastered on the back of someone's Toyota that caught my attention.

"I like Jesus; It's his fan club I'm not too fond of," it read, presented in the contrasting colors of black and white. But nowadays, or at least tonight as I down my nightly two cups of extra bold Starbucks with a hint of Irish crème creamer, I keep coming back to a major realization; despite all of my "phases," that bumper sticker, in a nutshell, defines a major portion of my personal mantra and something that drives the way I lead my life. Allow me to explain.

As I said, I've been through a lot of phases in my life; some more mental, while others were more visible to the naked eye. Now, in an article, I don't like to tell my entire life story, so I will omit most of those details. Anyways, I was raised Catholic by my mother (my dad was raised Southern Baptist, but I will spare a great story that goes along with that part, as to not be so long-winded) and took my first communion when I was nine. I took religious education classes until I was thirteen and was a member of a Boy Scout Troop based out of my church for a couple of years as well.

By the time I hit the age of fourteen, my folks, who have never been fans of shoving things down my sister and my throats, mentioned that they were going to cut the two of us loose and set us out to find our own paths in life and establish our own faith. This was all under one condition; that we always keep the Lord sacred and retain our belief that there is only one God.

After years of losing faith, I regained my faith in the Lord and, some way or another, got the idea that the only way to find my way to the Lord and be a "Good disciple" is to go to church, listen to Christian music, abandon all things "Non-Christian" and have someone else walk me through what are supposedly "God's teachings." To some, who identify and boast that their faith "defines them," a person of that sort would say that my life was in a good place. However, all things considered, my life was even worse than when I abandoned all of my faith and, at one point, even took up Wicca and Atheism. I had my faith, but the approach I was told to take entailed closing my mind to any other viewpoints and even some things I loved previously (and now even more) that are not inherently bad such as "blasphemous" music, books, movies and TV shows.

My "faith" also cost me a couple of good friendships and even jeopardized ones with my immediate family, all of which I love more than life itself. Basically, I came into Christianity on the count of God being loving and accepting of all, regardless of any of their "flaws." However, what I discovered Christianity is in this day and age was as if I stepped into a meeting of the Aryan Nations.

Now, forgive me for using such an extreme comparison, but in a lot of "Christian" circles, their level of intolerance, closed-mindedness and even hate is right up there with the Nazis. Time and again, I would find myself growing angered over "Christians" condemning my love of Gay people (I have several in my circle) and especially of hearing I am not "doing Christianity right." Not doing Christianity right? Last time I checked, the only requirement for being a Christian as touted by the members of the "faith," is a love and respect for the Lord Jesus Christ and what he HIMSELF told to his followers; not even what his supposed followers told to others as they were "spreading the word of God."

Another prime reason for what I have outlined can be summed up by the title of a Pink Floyd song; "Us and Them." I still embrace the Lord himself, because he teaches to live with an open mind and "love thy neighbor" even if, say, they're gay, lesbian, black, or even, God forbid, Muslim, Wiccan, or identify as an atheist. But, listen to any sermon, play any Christian CD or read any pamphlet from that soap box preacher screaming at passers by downtown, and they all imply the same thing; "We live well and happy while they (non-believers) live theirs shallow and without purpose;" "We are good, they are evil;" "We're going to live forever, they are going to die when they leave Earth or are going to burn in hell." Does any of this sound familiar? If not, listen closer to the "Christian" description to anyone not within their fold.

This merges into another point of my distrust of a faith on the count of what it has become. Actually, it is not really a distrust issue; it's just something to do with the persona and something that has become a routine practice within the faith of which I am extremely disgusted by. Recently, at my place of employment, a woman who was hired shortly after me and who shows great devotion to her life as a "Christian." The woman, one day during her lunch break, passed out literature titled something in the lines of "Life in shambles? Broken? Does your life suck?" then went on, in texts enhanced by scripture, telling of how the only way to alleviate this is to "repent" and become a devout "Christian."

A couple of days later, she badgered myself and others asking whether or not they read their pamphlets, as if she was giving food to starving Ethiopians. When I told her I didn't, she had the gall to inquire with, "Oh? Why?" I told her it was because I didn't have the time. I am yet to get the cojones to finally tell her and other "do-gooders" to take their pamphlets and shove them where the sun doesn't shine. Bottom line; I see how pushy and ignorant people like these are who, so cheerfully, declare their "allegiance to the Lord." I never want to become one of those people who view others as inferior. Accordingly, I got out, especially since I saw myself becoming that.

Today, I identify as Agnostic, which is defined as someone who may believe in a higher power but who doesn't affiliate with any organized religion. And frankly, I wouldn't have my life any other way. Now, I just need to go find one of those bumper stickers for my car.