On Losing an Only Daughter

In my lifetime, I have met four mothers who lost their only daughter. Two of them asked me why this happened to them. What would I say to a grieving mother? I am a mother myself and the most that I can say is "I can imagine how you feel." I can imagine the pain of losing a child, perhaps all the more painful if it is an only daughter. But I will never say I know how you feel because that would be almost an injustice because I really do not know.

Mother A has two sons when the only daughter was born. The baby daughter however succumbed to an illness a few weeks after she was born. To this day the daughter's memory stays and lingers for the loving couple. Every year on her daughter's birthday, Mother A would light a candle in front of the baby's picture and reminisce the very few days that she was with them.

Mother B lost her only daughter to dengue. The daughter was only 11 years old. What was painful was that Mother B was abroad on a scholarship when her daughter died. She asked "Of the hundreds of little girls in the school why would that dengue-carrying mosquito bite her daughter?" I didn't know how to answer. I just stayed with her during her grieving days.

Mother C is my sister. She lost her only daughter when she was just two years old. She accidentally drunk kerosene which was placed in a soft drink bottle (for retailing) in her aunt's store. Mother C was at work when it happened. I was in the hospital with Mother C when my niece breathed her last. Mother C could not cry. She told me she does not understand why this happened. To this day, I believe my sister had already healed. But she had to go through a lot of lonely days mourning over the lovely daughter.

Mother D is a colleague in the school where I am working. Her daughter's brain was affected by a virus that afflicted her when she was just five years old. The daughter became mentally handicapped after that. She was totally dependent on others. Mother D had to give her a very expensive medicine daily so that her daughter will not have seizures. But nevertheless, from time to time, her daughter would have such attacks. A few days ago, Mother D's daughter had several seizures. Her daughter did not survive it. It was Christmas time when her daughter was afflicted by that virus. Now, it is Christmas time again when her daughter died. She was 13 years old.

I am a mother myself and I am forever affected by these mothers' stories of losing a child. What was the effect on me? I live each day as if it were the last time I can be with my children. I treasure every moment I have with them. I look at them very closely while they sleep and pay attention how they grow up.

Life is a mystery. When you think you have everything under control something happens and you realize with all humility that you are just a creature. There is a Creator who was gifted us with the breath of life.

Everyday is a treasure. Tomorrow is a bonus. Savor each day with your love ones. Say "I love you" very often. In fact, say it every day.

We discover the importance of a person when we have lost them forever.