On Love & War

We all crave relationships. We want to know and be known. We want to love and be loved. We want to be connected. We want to share our innermost thoughts and feelings, know that someone else cares, and we want them to trust us with who they are as well. We've wanted the same thing for millennia, and in this next year, it won't be any different, though we may seek it out in different ways than in times past. We'll get online and read blogs, chat with friends and strangers alike, and google the hottest new ways to relate to our mates. But I wonder, will this year be any different? Will we fulfill our craving or simply increase the desire?

I'm not here to give you the latest self-help tips or tell you I have all the answers. I am simply a human being like you who has the same craving, and I'm slowly learning how to satisfy it. So do you want to hear it? Drum roll please. The mind altering, earth-shattering answer can be found in one word.

Vulnerability.

Webster defines it as being open to attack or damage. Ouch. Not a very good war strategy and definitely not what I was taught growing up. Protect yourself. Defend yourself. Don't take nuthin' from nobody. Yeah, that's more like it.

But you know, I've tried that. I think we all have. We get to a certain point in a relationship, and we bottle up, sometimes sooner rather than later. When we first meet someone, there's a tendency for small talk. What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living? And for many of us, the small talk amounts to big fat lies. We are afraid of what the other person might think so we give them the embellished version of ourselves. It's our way of protecting ourselves.

Inevitably, in every relationship, there will eventually be an argument. But instead of discussing things openly, we mask our true feelings. We argue about something other than what is really bothering us or we point the finger and never take the blame. This is our defense.

We are afraid.

Then we get to a point where we feel uncomfortable because the other person has found us out, and we end the relationship. Ironically, though we have this craving to be connected with each other, we continue to push each other away because we are too busy protecting and defending.

I am pleading, no, I am begging for us all to stop. Let's get out of our manholes. Life is not about sex or money or technology or politics or religion. It's about each other. And if we want more of each other, then we must give more of ourselves. We must open our hearts, risk who we are, risk being vulnerable, and in our risk-taking, I promise we will encourage others to do likewise, and we will have the relationships our hearts are desperately seeking.