On Riding a Bike Because You Can't Afford a Car, Family Budgets, Embarrassed Teens, Kids Moving Out, and Vacant Bedrooms

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Question

How do I teach my 14-year-old son that I need to ride a bike to save money? My son is upset that I don't have a car. I just got rid of a 2001 Volvo with a slipping transmission. I'm unemployed and need work and can't afford a vehicle right now, although I feel good about getting a job soon. I see my son about every two weeks. I used to pick him up in a car. Now I want to bike and arrange other transport, and he flipped out. He said he doesn't want to see me if I have no car. My son is controlling my life, and I hate it.

Answer

Your son is being selfish. His demands are, of course, impractical. After all, someone must pay for any car you buy or operate, and he's not likely to do it. Unfortunately, teens who are selfish can make the adults in their lives miserable.

You need to talk to your son, but do not under any circumstances allow yourself to start wheedling and promising to do better. Your lack of employment is your problem, not his. And frankly, right now you need a low-budget lifestyle more than he needs a cool ride. Regardless of what your son says, you cannot let him make you feel ashamed. That said, image is paramount with teenage boys, and your son is obvious embarrassed that his father won't pick him up in a car.

Call the boy up. Lay out the facts.

1. Until you have a job, you have to cut back on expenses.
2. Cutting the car was better than cutting (insert another expense you'd have had to eliminate to keep the car). You're trying to be responsible and cover the costs that you absolutely must pay.
3. You look forward to seeking him and spending time with him. Let him know the next time you plan to come over, and what you intend to do.

If the boy refuses to see you because you don't have a car, that's his loss. Hopefully either he'll wise up or you'll find a job soon. But if your budget is so tight that you couldn't afford to keep a 10-year-old car, then scraping up the funds to obtain another vehicle just to please your son temporarily will probably leave you in a bad place financially.

Question

My kids are moving out. What should I do with their old bedroom? Should I just leave it or make it into rooms for my grandchildren?

Answer

To answer that question, ask yourself two more.

First, how often do you expect your grandchildren to stay overnight? Unless you have several grandkids and expect them to make overnight visits more than once a month, you don't need rooms for them. Even if they visit frequently, most kids are content to sleep wherever Grandma puts them.

Second, what would you do with the space if you didn't set it aside for the grandkids? Do you have any hobbies that you intend to pursue with more vigor after your children leave? Do you need one of the rooms for storage? Would you like to modify one of the bedrooms for a sewing room, library, or den?

Remember, this is your house. Yes, you want to make it hospitable for your grandchildren. But in this case, give first consideration to what will benefit the people who spend the most time in the house. I'm talking about the owners and full-time occupants.

If you literally have no need for the space and it would simply sit vacant and collect dust, then refit the rooms as guest rooms. But give yourself a few months to see how the house feels with the children gone. Many older adults modify their lifestyles substantially after the kids leave, and your thoughts about the vacant rooms might change over time,

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