On the Set

I like the style and energy Hollywood uses when they go into a project. They are a power driven people and they stop at nothing to bring everyone perfect entertainment. That kind of work ethic is found in other industries, but not everywhere. The drive is built-in by design of the Hollywood Celebrity beast and it's hard to beat.

The funny thing is that in their zeal for perfection, they often overlook the obvious. I've watched so many times a solution could have been easier if one person would have looked through the forest to see the trees. Some solutions are so complex, it's like circling completely around the world rather than turning around and arriving at the same point only a few feet away.

What to do with a Terrible Movie

Try not distributing an awful movie. Try putting the halts to the steam engine that gets rolling when a production is complete. So rather than do all that, Hollywood would rather put more money, time and effort into making the movie look as good as possible. They make trailers that promise the moon, but can't even deliver a moon rock.

Battlefield Earth cost $73 million to make and only brought in about $20 million. Good thing the name John Travolta was attached to it or it would not have made anything. The lesson here is that it doesn't matter what crap Hollywood wants to throw out at the public, people are going to show. So, put some effort into advertising and you just might get a few tickets sold.

Don't tell the public that the movie is a nice exploration of boy meets girl crap. Let them know that it's an explosive romance between the sizzling star and her muscle-bound, action-packed co-star who shoots before he thinks. Fit the best scenes in the entire movie into a thirty second trailer and you've got yourself a rush to the ticket-master when it premiers.

So that John Travolta doesn't have to feel alone, other movies that were just awful include The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Howard the Duck and Speed Racer. These are the kinds of movies that destroy production companies, ruin stars' careers and show the rest of the world that advertising doesn't do everything. You can put as much polish as you want on a turd, at the end of the day it's still just a big polished turd. Update: John Travolta's career turned out just fine and I'm glad for that.

Food at the Dinner Table

Wouldn't you love to just dive right into one of those Hollywood meals you see in the movies all the time? You might find yourself sicker than a dog the next day, if you make it the next day at all. I've seen real food used as a prop when it wasn't going to be the center of attention. But, imagine Hollywood using a real turkey during a Thanksgiving dinner where the dinner itself was the focus of the scene.

Don't eat that turkey! It's painted brown and shaded, then gloss is added to make it shine. I'm thinking I've seen some great turkeys in my time. Why don't they just use one of those? But, Hollywood can never do that. What if they have to take a hundred shots? So, the steam keeps rolling out of some contraption the pyro-tech threw together and the takes just keep coming.

Drops of glue on a sandwich to make it look like mayonnaise. Coloring to a make water look like tea. Now, the mayonnaise thing I can understand. When mayonnaise gets old, it gets clear and no one knows how long that sandwich is going to have to live to get the shot. But, coloring in water to make it look like tea? Why not just use tea?

Just Set Up Here

Hollywood would rather make an old barn than use an actual one. I'm not lying. There are some really classic barns in the Los Angeles area and in any rural setting where Hollywood decides to shoot. But, you won't see them setting up shop at one.

No, they'd rather buy the wood and construct a barn themselves in a studio where they can get the lighting just right. Then, they paint the wood to look old and they put rust on hinges and nails. They spend more money making sure the barn in the studio looks authentic than they would have if they just would have asked someone to use their barn.

That's just an example. Complete bridges have been constructed. Complete cities have been built. It makes sense to someone. But, it doesn't always make sense to me.

Either way, we'll still buy the tickets. If the movies are there, they are going to be watched by someone. Think about it! How in the world did a movie like The Toxic Avenger ever make it to the big screen? Not only that, but three more of them were made as well as a novel was published and an off-Broadway musical is still being produced. Point made.