Once U-PUN a Time

Since they say a pun is the lowest form of humor, I shall assume the nom de plume of Ralph Nadir. I have found that in the course of human events, there are words or phrases that cannot be found in dictionaries or thesauruses (is it thesaurusi?). So, there is room for new words. I shall now demonstrate:

A breakfast item served with music from India is a ragamuffin.

Enjoying reading Ayn Rand results in Galt-y pleasures.

A bankrupt depilatory salon closed because they had no customers. Each day there was Nair-y a soul.

A Hollywood producer is making short films featuring cows. He is calling them Moo-vies.

A sex addict in a hurry resorted to peanut butter. It was a

Jif-y Lube.

The politician running in Spring elections to head his city, who couldn't stop talking is a May-Oral candidate.

He had been in charge of one of the city's districts, where he also was a dermatologist. In other words, he was a wart healer.

A breakfast food company is about to introduce smiley faces in its new product line. They'll be advertised as Whole Grin cereals.

One can truly say that Meryl Streep with all the awards she has won, is statue-esque.

That novel where the murderer dressed as an owl can really be called a Hoot-dunit. And, the memoir of the senior citizen who was once a hooker and is reliving her youth is a hoary tale.

Now that teen age boys shave their heads, the pimples they get on top are known as Acme.

The bard of Avon had a French brother whose last name was Shakespierre. They say he got his best inspiration at roller derbies. Sp, he was known as a skate bard.

In Bangkok, there is an S& M bar named Thais that Bind.

Students complain their lunchroom is so grimy and in need of new paint, they call it a café-drearia.

Disney animators still claim that their masterpiece was not done with Japanese anime, so, they ask, why are you calling it

Fant-Asia?

Then there was the German baseball star who was anti-Semitic, but wielded a hot bat. He became the team's cleanup-Hitler.

The author of the Harry Potter books is teaming up with Mick Jagger to form a musical group, to be called (wait for it!) The Rowling Stones.

Did you read about the soldier who used to tend brick ovens. The book is War and Pizza. Music by the man who invented the flame-broilers, Ludwig van Bake-oven.

The name of the captain of the Alitalia jet transporting the Pope is Pontius Pilot.

Former major league pitchers Phil and Joe never let their contracts change them. As one neighbor put it, "They're not uppity Niekros."

The sad whale chased by Captain Ahab is, of course, Mopey Dick.

The film about the leader of a gaggle of geese has as its star Tom Honks.

Because of so much legal action, drug companies are now known as the pharma-sue-tical industry.

Unions trying to organize barber shops and beauty salons refuse to suggest a locks-out.