Once Upon a Time

It was a dark and stormy night when he awoke, for he'd gone to bed early. Prince Charming had received news of a damsel in distress, so he skipped his usual protein-filled breakfast and searched frantically for whatever would float his boat. A born hero, he'd sail to her rescue and save the day. Finding nothing, he threw his shovel to the tide and obeyed his blood brother, the red sun, by not venturing into the now-still water to be lost in the depth. Instead, he rotated the world with love until he reached a fork with one high and one low road. He fitted shoes for his horse and sent him on the high road while he took the path of least resistance. He walked slowly, carrying a big stick, and soon found a wicked witch, eyes closed, over a boiling pot.

She was adding food for thought: 6 dead birds, 1/2 dozen stones, a number of unhatched chickens, and a dash of variety. From the princess's daily apples, the witch bore suckers, for it was the apple skins that gave beauty to the princess, who sowed only the finest seeds and reaped greener grass-- so it was her green thumb that gave her the rose-like beauty. She hastily shook a lamb's tail twice. All of the cream rose to the top and the pot runneth over. The broth was spoiled and she knew she was not the only cook in the kitchen. She turned into a cat and left the room. Frolicking mice came out to tell the prince of witchly ways. The witches planned to eat all of the princess's apple skins. Infact, 10 said that 7 ate 9 at one time, but then Time, exhausted from running out, got a stitch and saved 9. Suddenly the witch appeared, bearing 2 heads and a sword.

The prince tunnelled deep into a haystack, and just as the fat lady seemed to have laryngitis, he saw light. A mighty pen was found and stabbed into the monster. The princess and the prince's white horse appeared to greet the hero, and they rode off into the sunset, stopping only once (to give the squeaky wheel some grease), and lived happily ever after. The end.