One Agnostic Jew's Views on Christmas

I've heard - and quite frankly held - several different viewpoints in my life on being a Jew at Christmas. Growing up, as I did, on Long Island in a heavily Jewish suburb, my neighborhood had more electric menorahs lighting up windows than Christmas lights. As a child I found Christmas an oddity. I welcomed parts of it - Rudolph, Frosty, and the other television specials, though honestly, when Linus started with the story of Christmas and all that talk about Christ our Lord, I sort of glazed over.

Growing up Jewish, it was difficult at times not to feel as if Christmas got all the press. Even in a predominantly Jewish town like Merrick, there were Christmas sales at the stores (heck, Macy's, a New York institution, not only found a way to tie Santa Claus to Christmas but to Thanksgiving too), and every year Santa Claus would come to our local McDonald's.

One year when I was six or seven, my mother took me to meet Santa Claus at the Golden Arches. Let's be real, at that age, I'm sure I was in it more for the French Fries (I was what they called in the 1970s a "husky" child, a word that in hindsight cruelly identified overweight and big kids). Notwithstanding my large size, I sat down on Santa's knee. Santa looked me in the eyes and asked what I'd like for Christmas. Well, any chance I might have believed this guy was the genuine article flew out the window because surely a guy keeping lists and checking them twice would know exactly what I'd want for Christmas. "Nothing," I told him, "because I'm Jewish." Even then, I was all about going for the shock though I'm sure the answer came from a place of genuine sincerity - and that this Santa had probably heard the same answer from every other obnoxious Jewish kid in town. To Santa's credit, he didn't skip a beat, replying "Well then what would you like for Hanukkah?" I remember one thing I told Santa I wanted was "Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robots". Santa obviously didn't have any of the right connections with anyone Jewish - well other than Jesus Christ I suppose - because, come Hanukkah that year, no "Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robots".

In the 30 or so years since my militant Jewish protest at McDonald's (well that's how I like to think of that story - after all it was the early 1970s), I've become more agnostic in my beliefs. As far as the role of Judaism in my life, I'm what I call more of a "cultural Jew"; while I don't believe in the divisive effects of organized religions, I respect those who choose to really believe and observe no matter what religion. However I feel a strong kinship to and sense of nostalgia from certain Jewish traditions (many of them of course related to food).

My daughter turned 13 this year. Though she lives with her mother and step-father, we remain very close. When she became a Bat Mitzvah earlier this year, I felt a strong proud connection to the fact that she was going through this rite of passage that both her mother and I went through at her age. I was thankful that my daughter's mother and step-father remain actively practicing Jews who have prioritized her Jewish education. I was proud to stand next to my daughter as she read from the Torah for the first time as a Jewish adult just as my parents had done with me in 1977.

As I explain to my daughter in a way that I don't think is too hypocritical of me, I could never have made an informed and educated decision about the role I wanted religion to play in my life as an adult without having received the proper exposure through my religious education as a child. Ultimately, as an adult, she'll make the choice that's right for her and that is a personal decision that will be hers to make alone.

A few years back, I was dating and living with someone from an Italian and Polish Christian background. It was the first time I got to celebrate Christmas from the inside looking out. I celebrated Christmas for five years - in my 30's, I was experiencing having a Christmas tree in my home that I eventually filled with superhero ornaments (for me) and Disney ornaments (for my daughter). Forget what my Christian partner wanted; after all, he'd had a Christmas tree all his life.

To those aghast I would expose my Jewish daughter to a Christmas tree, we explained things quite simply. We lived with someone who celebrated Christmas and while Christmas isn't our holiday, we could help him celebrate his holiday. Likewise, he would help us celebrate our holiday, Hanukkah.

Ultimately the relationship ended and Christmas returned to being largely a day for Chinese food and a good movie. My daughter never felt we were endorsing Christmas through her exposure to its mainly secular aspects. When the relationship ended, so did Christmas trees and presents on December 25^th. She never felt any less close to her Jewish identity by being around Christmas cheer nor did she feel she'd lost anything when we returned to just celebrating Hanukkah. What she - and I -- gained was an appreciation for another culture's identity. What could be more in line with the spirit of the season than that?

I accept living in a country where Christmas is a National holiday. There's virtually nothing open on Christmas Day which is a lot spookier when you're not spending the day sipping nog and eating glazed ham in lock-down with the family. Typically only Chinese restaurants and movie theaters are open on Christmas Day. In recent years, Jewish singles use the day for singles dances like the Matzo Ball.

I've long accepted that nobody means any disrespect when they wish me a "Merry Christmas" as opposed to "Happy Holidays". In that same vein, I'm not insulted when a retailer changes their greeting from "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Holidays" because, let's face it, no one except the geriatric set takes long enough getting a shopping cart for a greeter to sputter out "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and/or Happy Festivus - or just nice to see you if you're an atheist".

As an outsider looking in, I don't believe there's any attack on Christmas - and certainly not one that appears to be having any real dent in the prevalence of Christmas cheer come December every year. But, then again, I don't see Santa Claus coming to a McDonald's in a largely Jewish town as any kind of an attack on Hanukkah or Judaism either. I guess I'm just a realist that way - an agnostic Jewish realist who believes in Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas.