One Hell of a Time

News out of Hell is that the decline in the global economy and the breakdown of the sub-prime lending market has lead to Beelzebub downsizing his Souls-for-Favors program.

The First Bank of Hades, NA

Representatives for the Ultimate Evil Power in the Universe have stated that since 2005 they have received fewer and fewer requests for Soul-For-Favors exchanges to the tune of 85%. It seems that people are wanting to be much more conservative with Soul purchases.

In the past people such as The Real Housewives of Atlanta, New York, New Jersey, Orange County and D.C. have exchanged their souls for a few seasons on a reality show. One recent case of someone selling their soul for fame and notoriety is that of Governor Sarah Palin (though rumor has it that Satan became so nauseated by Palin that he foreclosed on her soul, and hence her Governorship was taken away). Paris Hilton and Lyndsay Lohan are also examples of those who have made deals with the Bank of Hades in order to live out their dreams.

However statistics released by The Dark Lord today have shown that the decline in the economy has forced him to cut 3000 jobs in the Soul-Lending department, primarily focused in sub-prime loans, which were mostly taken out by D-list reality show stars.

One immediate impact of this decision could be the cancellation of nearly every show on the Bravo network except Top Chef.