One Last Good-Bye

"I live in a world, where I don't exist. Nobody knows me here, not even my family. I don't know why I am here, but I'm here. And I can never go back. I can never go home."

August 5, 2000. Dana sat up in the bed and rubbed her eyes. She shook off her latest nightmare, those men chasing her and her friend. Their bullets nearly caught her this time, and if she had not gone back, she would have surely died. They probably killed her friend.

The apartment was small, but she didn't have any possessions. It wasn't the streets, and she was warm and had food in the fridge. She recently bought new clothes, and she worked over at the local diner. She was safe, safe from those men, who would never find her here, but all she wanted to do was to go home. She should never have ran away, and now it would've been two years later. But time had left her behind.

"Ouch." Dana studied her bruised shoulder. The stitches had come out last week, and the bullet went through her flesh without damaging or killing her. "They almost got me."

"Dana, take this," he said. "Take this device, but whatever you do, do not press the red button."

"You got to be kidding me?" Dana realized that she was standing in front of the mirror again, talking to herself. "It's over," she breathed. "I'm safe," but she didn't feel safe. And she didn't want to walk out that door. "Have to go to work, Dana. You haven't seen them yet. You haven't seen her yet. It's safe." She pulled herself together and let out a giant breath. "Time to start over."

Dana never thought of herself as a waitress. She had it all worked out. After graduating high school, she would have gone to community college for two years and then transferred to a four-year. She didn't know what she wanted to be. She still didn't, but now all she wanted to do was to remain alive here in this world, where she didn't exist.

"Run, Dana," he said. "Run, or they will kill you. Run!"

Dana dropped the plate in her hand. The porcelain saucer crashed into tile. Pieces splintered into different directions, her life in fragments. A single drop of blood touched her finger as she picked up its remains, but she held the tears back. She would not fall apart here.

"Here. Let me help you." Another waitress hurried over and helped her with the other empty dishes she was struggling to keep in her arms. "How's the shoulder?"

"Good." Dana glanced at her finger. Her blood had quickly dried into a small, delicate rose. She grabbed the napkin out of her pocket and covered her finger. "Thank you."

"No prob," the young woman said. "Take it easy, Dana. The lunch hour is over." She carried the broken plate over to the garbage and dropped it inside. "Take ten."

"I'm good." Dana kicked open the door to the kitchen with her foot. "Be back in a sec."

A moment later, Dana stepped outside, composed and ready. She surveyed the small town diner. The locals were at the counter, watching television, snacking on bagels, and nursing their drinks. Most of the tables were empty except one or two families, luckily not hers. Then, the chime on the front glass door sung its song, and she waited, hoping for another customer.

"Hello," he said, sheepishly. "Table for one."

Dana swallowed hard and said, "This way." She waited for him to sit down at a booth nearby. "My name is Dana, and I'll be your server today. Here's your menu. Can I start you off with a drink?"

"Orange juice, " he said.

"Okay." Dana's hand shook, and he noticed. She quickly walked away. "I'll be right back," but her words were all jumbled up. "Damn it," she mumbled.

He looked exactly the way she remembered. He was the high school quarterback. He was funny, charming, and he loved her. Well, she thought he had loved her, but she loved him. Her father already had them married off, telling her to forget about college, but only if he knew the ugly truth. This man, this boy was a coward, and in the face of death, he ran. He abandoned her next to a dead body, and when she went home, her father blamed her, saying that it was all her fault. She had brought shame to her family, and after graduation, she ran away from home.

"You can't change anything," she scolded herself. "Don't tell him. He hasn't met you yet, and if you don't meet him…" She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Where would I be now?"

"Everything okay?" He handed her a menu. "Miss?"

"You just look really familiar."

"Maybe because I'm on the football team." He grinned that grin that she used to love, but now all she wanted to do was to hit him. "We're doing really well, and the town's loving it. But you're not from around here, are you?"

"I'm a long way from around here." Dana forced a smile. "Say you're friends with that kid, Denny Green?"

"Yeah. Him. Always getting into trouble. I swear. One day, he'll get himself killed."

"He will." Dana bit her lip. "I mean… I don't know. I'm new here." His grin was now gone. "Anyway, what would you like?"

"You, if you were younger." He laughed, and again, she forced a smile. "Grilled cheese with bacon and french fries."

"Coming right up." She moved away from him, but she knew that he was watching her every move. "Jerk," she muttered. How could she have fallen for a guy like that? She should've known better. She would've never ran away from home, if she never met him. Maybe. What if she did change things? Would she wake up tomorrow in her own bed, or would she be lying dead in an alleyway somewhere, waiting for the police to find her body? "You can't think like that," she scolded herself. "You can't. Don't change anything. You're a ghost. You don't exist. You don't."

"Dana, you're talking to yourself again," the same waitress from before said. "What has gotten under your skin today?"

"Bad night." Dana turned to watch him eat, hoping he would choke on his food. "If you went back in time, would you change anything?"

"Me?" She let out a big laugh. "Hell yeah! I certainly wouldn't be working here. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Dana shrugged. "Saw something like it on television."

"Don't push the red button," he urged her. "Whatever happens. Don't, Dana," but she didn't listen. And those men were set on killing her, killing him. "Run!" She flinched, remembering his last word, and then the bullet struck home. And they were gunning for her.

"And I pressed the red button," she thought as she watched the love of her life walk right out the door without a look back. "I want to go home," she thought. "Why can't I go back home?"

The bad part of working the morning shift was being off during the night. There was nothing to do. All the stores closed early. The teenagers were off in the woods somewhere, getting high, and she shuddered, remembering that was where it would happen, the event that changed her life. The locals were either snuggled into their homes, chilling at the diner, or at the movies. Tonight's showing was a very familiar one, but nobody had seen it yet. So, why not? All she was doing was killing time.

"Five dollars." Dana laughed at the woman behind the glass counter. "Something funny, miss?"

"I just remember paying ten dollars for a movie."

"Ten dollars? What world are you living in?" She handed Dana a ticket. "It's a good showing tonight. A good thriller."

"I know." Dana caught herself as she took the ticket. "I mean, so I hear." The woman just stared at her. "It's gonna be a blockbuster." She hurried away from the window. "Nice one, Dana," she scolded herself. "This is why I stay inside at night. This is why I live the ghostly life."

Five minutes before the movie. The one thing that Dana hated was having to go to the bathroom during the movie. It was always a ploy. Have some popcorn. Drink some soda. Then, about an hour, at least into the movie, you have to go, but not her. Not tonight.

Dana stepped out of a stall. She moved over to the sink and started washing her hands. She heard footsteps behind her, and she cringed, ready for the attack. Then, the sink turned on next to her, and small hands plunged under the water. She glanced over at the little girl, and her mouth fell open. And their faces rose up into the mirror, almost a mirror image of the other.

"You look like me," she said. "How weird is that?" She stepped away to dry her hands. "Do I know you?" Dana froze in place, unable to answer. "Maybe not. See ya."

"Damn it. How could I forget? I saw this movie opening night with my family." Dana clung to the sink for support. Her knees were going weak. "I've seen this movie a million times. I don't need to see it now. Run, Dana. Run."

She hurried outside and then froze like a deer in headlights. There they were. Her parents. Her brothers. Herself. They were just as she remembered, and they were excited. It would be a good movie, and it would be. But what about her? They looked at her like a stranger except for herself, and her mother was now staring at her as if she saw a ghost. And Dana ducked down in the crowd, trying to disappear from sight.

The EXIT door was coming up fast. She grabbed the handle but then stopped. She missed her family. She missed the stupid family gatherings and the bitter arguments. She missed her parents. How could she even think of going in there? They saw her. She saw her, but Dana couldn't leave. "No," she breathed. "One last good-bye," and those words gave her the strength to move away from the door.

As fate would have it, there was a vacant seat behind them. Dana was now armed with popcorn and soda. She kept the popcorn positioned close to her face, but her mother did not look at her. They were absorbed in the movie, but she could care less about what they were seeing. She enjoyed watching them, and when the movie came to an end, she slipped away into the dark. She said good-bye without saying it, and good-bye was never final. She would see them again especially working at that diner. "But, Dana," she said out loud to herself as she walked toward her car. "You can't change anything." She turned toward the theatre. "Or can you?" Those words hung in the air as she drove home to that small apartment far from those hard, cold streets and far from those men that would have killed her for the device that sent her to a world, where she did not exist.