One Mother's Battle with a Video Vixen!

This month marks a year since, Harper Collins released Confessions of a Video Vixen. The much talked about book revealed the memoirs of video star Karrine Steffans.After much legal banter, the book was released and it set the entire hip-hop and literary world a buzz. The Author provided vivid images of her experiences as she ascended to "stardom" earning the nickname "Super- head."

Hearing about this woman and her legacy I could not help but be captivated. Not in the Ugly Bettysense, but in the way that we women secretly "envy these type" of women. We don't necessarily want to be them, we just want to learn their secrets of manipulation and control over men....especifically the powerful men to get what they want. Wesecretly crave their POWER while trying to balance that good girl role.

During publicity campaigns for the book we learned how she earned her place in Hip-Hop Culture using her "cranium" and/or their "heads" to navigate her way up the ladder. Providing a list of industry "playas" Ms. Steffans showed how she "negotiated." The extensive list reads like who's who of "business associates." She culminated deals with...Fred Durst, Vin Diesel, Shaquille O'Neal, Sean (P. Diddy) Combs, Irv Gotti and surprisingly...Bobby Brown (husband of Whitney Houston). What a dizzying array of power, prestige, money and men.

Why do I reference this book one year later? Well, as mother of a 'tween daughter and young son, I find myself constantly in a battle with the Video Vixen. In my daily battle against peer pressure, media images and societal rules, I am constantly searching for ways to make sure that my daughter and son do not define themselves by the seeming "success" and over sexualized message created by the Video Vixen. As we flip through channels with the remote control and see men react to these women one video after the next, the question becomes, how can we/I counter this image in a bathrobe, bunny slippers and perhaps a headwrap? How do we teach our daughters and our sons that the Video Vixen is nothing but a manufactured image created with lights, camera, and lots of "ACTION," along with a team of make-up, hair and wardrobe stylists? How do I insure that she is not left to feel insecure about her looks and he not left to define women by their external attributes? How can I deliver this message without sounding bitter or jealous because I'm not on the screen?

In a society where sex sells, it is difficult to blame the Vixen only. We must look at the society that rewards and elevates her. We must examine how we send out messages not just to her but also to other women that live in her shadow. In my research I have found that this entire phenomenon has adverse effects on women at both sides of the debate.

Over 4 years ago I began working with young ladies through the development of a self esteem and modeling course. It became an interest of mine as I watched my daughter, her friends, other young ladies and yes even males growing up with the image of the video girls and the men that "love" them. I also became concerned about the tremendous rate of teen pregnancy, eating disorders and suicides among young women. It was heart breaking to see how our young people were destroying themselves in an effort to be "PERFECT" while attempting to duplicate the storyboards created for Music Videos.

I realized that no matter how hard I tried as a parent, I could not do it alone. There needed to be a shift in how we value each other. I was determined to make a difference one group at a time....by exploring the issue of SELF-ESTEEM. Again, this is self esteem in both males and females. The idea that a successful man has the most beautiful woman on his arm and that the most beautiful woman captures the most successful man had to change!

Enter.... The Dove Campaign For Real Beauty. I was so excited the first time I saw these ads. They were so in-line with the messages that I was trying to offer my children and the young people I'd been working with. For the first time on TV, we were seeing "real women" in their underwear. These women where perhaps.. size 12's and up celebrating their bodies, curves and exuding self confidence.

We must join the campaign of self esteem for our children's sake. Too often, I hear talk about how our young people have gone wild. My thought is always, have we looked deep to see how we have affected them? Like the Video Vixen, children are created and manufactured based upon how we define them. The Dove website is great because it provides solutions and ways to begin those necessary changes for each an everyone of us. Look for surveys, lesson plans, anecdotes and personal stories to help with positive reinforcement and better understand how we can make a difference in how our young people see themselves.

In a survey on the Campaign For Real Beauty website, we find according to a 2000 study by the Girl Scout Research Institute that dissatisfaction with body image increases as girls move into adolescence. Further investigation showed that 75 percent of 8- and 9-year-old girls in the study said they like their looks and only 56 percent of those ages 12 and 13 did. In girls ages 14-17 who said they're too fat, two-thirds were dieting. Is then any wonder that Ninety percent of eating disorders are diagnosed in girls?

Self-esteem as I have found is at the core of many adolescent problems. Body comparisons during this very critical time are the basis of one's own self identity. When we form "societal ideals" that we feel everyone should be measured by, we create an environment where "non-ideal models" receive disrespect, rejection, abuse, are ignored or neglected. Surrounded by negative reinforcements and/or put-downs, low self-esteem sets in. This lack of esteem in adolescents may cause them to avoid challenging activities, give up quickly, quit or cheat when things aren't going their way. It interferes with the ability to make friends and may increase the risk of depression, sexual promiscuity and suicide. The irony is that the circumstances described above as a result of low self-esteem are also experiences described by the so-called Video Vixen in her book.

This is critical point to examine as we analyze physical attributes and their effects on individuals. Although perceived differently on the surface, without a strong sense of self esteem, we all fall prey. By promoting a wider description of beauty and teaching self love and acceptance, we can save lives on both ends of the spectrum. So, why not join me in a universal campaign for beauty?

Note: Jessie is a fictitious character...the story is based on true experiences.