One Pure Night

The snow had stopped falling an hour ago and the world was now covered in a white blanket. She looked at the clock on her wall. 3:22 AM. It felt like the whole world was sleeping. She had on white tights with a baggy white t-shirt over it and as she sipped her hot cocoa, she felt the need to be outside. The fire crackled in the fireplace behind her and she put her cup down on the coffee table next to the picture album. She was putting together an album of memories for the year, as if they wouldn't be in her mind for years to come.

She didn't even feel the need for a jacket as the night's air was so soft and gentile. She put on shoes to avoid losing a toe and stepped out into the pure night.

Pure. Oh how she longed to feel that way again. The full moon was hiding behind a few lingering clouds but it shone through the holes in the sky. An insomniac neighbor who happened to be at his window saw an angel walking in the snow, with the moonlight spotlighting her curly messy hair and her hands that hung at her sides as she floated toward the playground.

The seats of the swings...the slides...the see & the saw were all covered in snow. She walked toward the swings and gently brushed the snow off one of them. She grabbed the cold chain and sat down in the swing like she was a little kid...only there was no one to push her. She held the chains tight as she kicked some snow in the air when she launched herself off. She closed her eyes and thought of the past year...what a long year it was.

As she went back down, she thought of the goodbyes. The painful and drawn out 'You weren't good enough for my love' again and again as they left her for someone else.

And she was in the air again.

She thought of the endless nights filled with tears and the self-doubt...

Back up higher...feet touching the branches of the tree in front of her.

The betrayals and the fears...the what ifs and the quivers of the lips...

Up one more time kicking her feet faster this time...

Every time her feet touched the tree and she shook a branch, more snow fell to the ground. It was as if she was kicking her past away and burying it under the snow. By the time she opened her eyes, she realized that the tree was almost bare and the tears she'd cried had frozen on her cheeks as if they were painted on.

As she slowed down and went back to earth, she thought of the smiles, the good times and the passion. She stopped pumping her legs and the swing went back and forth, further away from the tree each time. She was leaving yesterday behind...

When the swing stopped, she stepped off it and walked around the playground, leaving her footprints in the snow. Flurries began hitting her face and she thought that it was from the branches of the tree. When she looked up, she realized that it was coming from the sky...the snow had started again. She laid on the ground in the middle of the field and made a snow angel....the snow falling on her, she wanted to be buried there. She wondered if she could be reborn in the morning...or if she'd melt away with the snow...what would it be like to go from one form to another...from snow to ice to water to vapor to...water again. How she wished she could be reborn and renewed...wiping away the pains of yesterday.

She finished making her snow angel and sat up....She put her hand on the outside of the wings and standing up, she looked behind to see that the snow angel was perfect...she knew that she was imperfect and for a split second, longed to be as pure and perfect as the angel in the snow.

She walked back to her house...the full moon was gone now as the snow clouds had gathered close to bring more cover to the earth. She made sure to step in the places she'd already made a mark in the white blanket...Nothing ever stayed perfect...

By the time she was back in front of her fireplace...she realized that being imperfect was better because if we were so perfectly pure...there was no chance to renew and improve.

She sipped her hot cocoa and went back to the album of imperfect memories.