One Tree Hill: Funniest Quotes

One Tree Hill is truly a drama at heart, however, I can't help but overlook the few quirky lines that bring a smile to my face. There is a definite comedic streak that is prevalent throughout all four seasons and even into the fifth season. Besides, if it wasn't funny it wouldn't be a true representation of high school life and life in general.

I have constructed a list below of my favorite 'hilarious' lines from One Tree Hill. I found all of the quotes on IMDB; this website offers an abundance of information on One Tree Hill as well as many quotes from the show. I have also included the season and episode title in which the quote is from to jog your memory and allow you to recapture the scene in which it is from.

Have a few laughs and enjoy!

Dan Scott: You're full of crap.
Coach Whitey Durham: It comes with old age, Danny, constipation.

Season 1, Pilot

Lucas Scott: We used to play in junior leagues together, me and Nathan.
Peyton: Basketball?
Lucas Scott: Yeah. And I loved it, and I was good at it. Have you ever had something that you knew that you were better at than almost anybody else?
Peyton: Sex...Joke.

Season 1, Pilot

Coach Whitey Durham: Oh, by the way, there's a half naked girl in the back seat of your car. I just thought you'd like to know.

Season 1, Are You True?

Peyton: [to Whitey at the graveyard] So what are you doing here? Making a reservation?

Season 1, All That You Can't Leave Behind

Jake Jagielski: Bow Chicka Wow Wow... So uh, did you ladies order room service?

Season 1, Spirit in the Night

College Guy: [Brooke is drinking alone at a bar. A guy sits next to her. She gives him a fake smile then looks away] Buy you a drink?
Brooke Davis: Okay, guy in need of a clue. Here's one. Women send signals. That was a brush off. Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit let me paint us a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening. You are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home, and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me, isn't interested in you.

Season 1, What is and What Should Never Be

Peyton: Buds over studs.
Brooke: Hoes over bros.

Season 2, The Desperate Kingdom of Love

Tim Smith: Hey, Nathan, what do you think? Thai? Mexican? Chinese is always good...
Haley James: Tim, you just ate. How is it possible that you're still hungry?
Tim Smith: I'm not ordering food, I'm ordering strippers.

Season 2, Near Wild Heaven

Nathan's colleague: When your boyfriend kisses you, he: A) Looks deeply into your eyes, B) Closes his eyes, C) Cradles your head softly, D) Unhooks your bra.
Tim Smith: It's D, it's definitely D. You go for the bra.
Nathan Scott: Now, Tim, you realize you're supposed to be answering as a girl?
Tim Smith: I know, and I'd want a boyfriend who isn't afraid to go under my shirt!
Lucas Scott: And hopefully someday you'll find him.

Season 2, Near Wild Heaven

Felix Taggaro: Well, well. With the other dares, it appears to be a tie.
Tim Smith: Oh no, oh no, wait. Don't forget this. Shows Felix the picture from the golf course.
Felix Taggaro: Dude! What the hell are you doing?
Tim Smith: It says it right here on the dare card.
Felix Taggaro: Man, that's a typo. It's supposed to say, "Take a shot in the second hole."

Season 2, I Will Dare

Brooke: [to Peyton] Crack whore!
Peyton: [to Brooke] Slut!
Brooke: [to Haley] Liar!

Season 2, Truth, Bitter Truth

Nathan Scott: Evening officer, buy us some beer?

Season 2, Unopened Letter to the World

Karen Roe: It's past curfew, Brooke.
Brooke: [drunk] I know, I'm sorry. Bevin made me go to this party because I've been "drifting."
Karen Roe: Have you been drinking, Brooke?
Brooke: No, Karen, "drif-ting."

Season 2, The Lonesome Road

Nathan: Lets just get this over with.
Peyton: Funny, that's what he used to say before we had sex.

Season 2, The Leavers Dance

Brooke: Lucas! Do not make me come in there with you! If you stay in there any longer, you're going to use up all the hot water if you haven't already!
[she sticks her hand into the shower]
Brooke: Oh, my God! That's cold water. You're taking a cold shower! Ew. Well, the next time you have a wet dream, tell Peyton I say hi!

Season 2, The Leavers Dance

Brooke: Easy on the skanky innuendo!

Season 3, Like You Like an Arsonist

Deb Scott: [interrupting Dan's campaign meeting] I'm sorry. I didn't know we had company. Can you see my *ss through this?

Season 3, From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea

Coach Whitey Durham: [Breaking up a fight between Bevin and Ashley] Alright Paris and Nicole, that's quite enough. If I wanted to watch cheerleaders wrestle I'd turn on pay-per-view.

Season 3, Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades

Rachel: Sorry I'm not good for a shoulder to lean on.
Peyton Sawyer: That's okay because I'm not looking for one, but I am looking for another drink.

Season 3, All Tomorrow's Parties

Peyton Sawyer: You know it's just too bad I ran out of time cause I really wanted to show you the place where I buried my prom date... kidding.
Derek Sommers: Thank god, it would be really weird if we had another thing in common.

Season 4, Good News for People Who Love Bad News

Skills: I'm going to be so tight out there they're gonna be calling me Zip Lock

Season 4, Good News for People Who Love Bad News

Nathan Scott: I need to be tutored. I think I'm failing marriage.
Haley James Scott: Did you try sleeping with the teacher?

Season 4, Good News for People Who Love Bad News

Rachel Gatina: [talking about Nick] Bottom line Brooke - you'll have to deal with him.
Brooke Davis: Deal with him? Deal with him how? Car crash, drowning, what do you suggest?

Season 4, Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

Brooke: [to Rachel] You're just a slutty lying liar that lies.

Season 4, All These Things That I've Done

Brooke Davis:
Peyton Sawyer: [opening the empty box] Am I missing something?
Brooke Davis: It's a to-go box. You know, since you're screwing my leftovers.

Season 4, Nothing Left to Say But Goodbye

Brooke: If that isn't the skank calling the whore slut!

Season 4, Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers

Skills: So what it's been about a week since Mouth skipped town with Rachel. Now all of a sudden I get this cryptic message.
Lucas Scott: Okay like what, a voice mail?
Skills: Text, actually. Check it out.
Lucas Scott: "Honey Grove, Texas. Please come. Need ass?"
Skills: Yeah I was thinking he would've typed assistance, but his battery died.
Lucas Scott: Well then why didn't he just write help? Need help?
Skills: Maybe he need *ss.

Season 4, It Gets Worse at Night

Mia: [worrying about her performance] What if I fail?
Haley James Scott: Well, people fail sometimes. Look at Peyton!
Peyton Sawyer: Hey!

Season 5, Don't Dream It's Over