One Victim's Account of Being Stalked by an Ex-Boyfriend

Over many years, I have quietly suffered from a fear that many would not understand. My ex boyfriend was a stalker and guilty of the intrusive abuse of stalking me at times in my adult life. Our relationship had been both emotionally and physically abusive and he told me no matter what, he would find me wherever I went.

While still living with my parents, he entered our home as I slept one morning. He explained he wanted to take me to breakfast and leave things on a better note. We did not go to breakfast.

At his apartment, the gun was laying on the table. I watched him load the clip into the 9mm Luger and snap it into place. He told me I was never going back to work and he made me call my boss. He also informed me that I was not going to see my family again.

As I watched, he would alternate waving the gun around and putting it to his head. He told me to do exactly as he said or he would kill himself. When I attempted to leave I became a target as well. Thanks to my boss calling for help, I had a split second to run for the door when I heard the police shout to open it.

What took a moment seemed forever. In that split second of time, I accepted that at any instant he might kill me as I struggled with the locks of the door. I did not press charges concerning this day but have many times wish that I had.

After this incident, his stalking did not end. Before I relocated, he would frequently stop by my job and tell me places he knew I had been. He stalked me it seemed everywhere. He would remark on things such as he liked the blouse he saw me buy at the mall. On one occasion, he stopped by my job just to tell me he was not aware that I liked a particular entree that I ordered when at a restaurant. He made it clear that even though I did not see him, he was there stalking me.

Even after I married, I would sometimes see his work vehicle parked around my apartment building as I came home in the evenings. After moving out of town, I felt safer. Trust concerning my whereabouts was not something I could give to many. At least on one occasion someone I trusted let me down by giving him enough information to locate me.

A woman I did not know called and said she was planning our class reunion. She wanted me to drive home and meet the "others" at a motel room some 80 miles away. I could hear a male voice telling her what to say.

I tried to find out where she found my number. I told her I would not be coming to any reunions and she became agitated. In the end and dropping all pretense, she told me it was in my best interest to be there and that someone wanted to see me . I knew it was him. Who else would want to lure me to a motel room but the man who had stalked me for years?

It was not long after this that he told one of my sisters he knew where I lived now.

I googled his name the other day as I was considering using my given name for an internet account. I was shocked to see his obituary. After inquiries, I found he committed suicide only weeks ago.

I cannot help but think back to that day long ago when I watched as he held his 9 mm Luger to his head. I feel blessed to have walked away. I also feel blessed to have lived a normal life considering.

If you are experiencing abuse in any form or have a stalker, be proactive. We all have a right to live without fear, without seeds of doubt poisoning our choices, and without someone stalking our movements.

I have no elation at this persons passing. I cannot even say I feel relief. These emotions cannot be found in the death of another. I do feel regret. Regret that I allowed such a dark cloud to follow me for so many years.

Without apology, these years are no more.

Resources for Victims of Stalking: Stalkinghelp.org
http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/Group/BussLAB/stalkinghelp/