Online Dating - How to Evaluate Profiles

Profiles, profiles, profiles....

After posting my first profile, I began to read the emails or look at the winks I had received. Thoughts ranged from "well, he might be okay to ewwww". I quickly answered the ones I thought were okay which ended up to be two. I also winked back at others who looked somewhat promising. Then I began to use the search portion of the site. That's where you put in what age you're looking for and how many miles from your home. Other sites are set up differently but Yahoo uses this format. The search also allows for you to search for people with a specific height, religion, income level, etc. That way you can really narrow it down to who you are looking for and hope to find.

My first search revealed a thousand matches! I wasn't very specific on anything I was desiring in a mate so I got back many matches. Believe me I ended up looking at every single one of them in the next few weeks and even years. I'll never forget one man I winked at in the beginning. I really liked his profile and thought he might be a good match. He did not respond to my wink at all. Three years later he contacted me via another site, told me he was still interested and told me we used to email back and forth. His memory didn't quite agree with mine! However, I did talk to him by phone and found out it was a good thing he had ignored me! He was not a good match at all.

When scanning profiles of people who have either emailed you or for the purpose of determining your own interest, you will begin to think "oh, he's cute, there's a possibility", or "let's read this one". You will closely look at his or her photo. Does his eyes and smile look sincere? Laugh lines around the eyes are usually a good indicator that the person loves to laugh or enjoys humor. What is your gut reaction to the photo? If you have no misgivings, then read the profile through and see how it makes you feel. Does it arouse your curiosity? If something stands out that makes you think "yuck" or "no way" quickly delete it and go on to the next one. Don't waste your time; your options are vast.

If the profile arouses your curiosity then reread it slowly and compare and study each part carefully. You will determine if a person seems sincere and has the qualities and traits you are interested in. This process will become something you are very quick at. His words should be consistent throughout the profile. As you begin talking by email or IM to people to determine if they have date potential you will want to match their words with statements made in their profile. You will want to get a feel for whom they are by their comments written and remarks made.

I was reviewing profiles one night and I saw a profile that ended with a rude remark. It said something like "...if you don't like what you read than who needs you anyway". I wrote the guy and asked him if his profile was working for him and volunteered to help him recreate it. I told him that his last line was rude and that if he changed it I bet he would get results. He said something like, "no thank you Dear Abby I like it just the way it is". He said he noticed that under my section entitled Turn Offs I said I didn't like sarcasm. He said his last line was just sarcastic humor. I suggested to him that sarcastic humor might go over better in person than online. However, I wished him luck and went on about my business. A few days later I looked at his profile again and he had changed the profile and his last line now ends on a positive note.

With some practice, you will learn to spot red flags or caution signs pretty easily while reviewing profiles, corresponding by email, Instant Messenger or in phone conversations. Some of these flags or cautions might be negotiable. Some might be due simply to a poorly written profile. Some red flags or caution signs are worse than others are. It depends entirely on what the red flag is.

Red flags that I look for and notice are varied. Some of the things about a profile that bother me may not bother you (some of these also apply to emails, instant messages, or personal phone conversations). With practice and experience you will develop your own red flags that will eventually just jump off the page at you.

My Own Red Flags

Þ Poor Spelling (Fireman Seeks Grate Female)

Þ Poor Grammar (I want talk to you)

Þ Profile is too short with little or no real information, too general

Þ Negative talk such as "I know this isn't going to work"

Þ Remarks about an ex-wife or an ex-girlfriend ("my last girlfriend was very possessive")

Þ Excessive bragging ("I am the perfect match ready to whisk you away")

Þ Angry remarks ("I don't know what I'm doing on here, you women are all the same".)

Þ Profile information doesn't match picture details such as hair color or eye color

Þ Says "I love...this, I love...that" too many times, (remember these are just little things that bother me in a profile-they may not bother you).

Þ Rudeness

Þ the person states he/she has a graduate degree but cannot seem to put a simple sentence together

Þ Remarks are made about making love or having sex ("I will show you what good loving is" or "I'mlooking for a playmate, wanna have some fun").

Þ Low self confidence, needy or desperate sounding ("I know I won't be able to have any luck on here" or "I am so lonely since my wife left me" or "I only date one person at a time")

Þ Make statements like, "I have no problem finding dates but thought I would give this a try."

Þ Person seems to have a chip on their shoulder

Þ States looking for perfect mate (there are no perfect mates and the realization of that is necessary to date imperfect people), there is a difference in saying "perfect mate" and "hope to find someone perfect for me".

Þ Profile lists to many "have to have"s

Þ Profile states "I really don't have time to date".

Þ Recently separated or married

Þ Gives specifics about required measurements of mate ("I am looking for a petite, 5'2", 36-24-36 blue-eyed blonde").

Þ States "I look much younger than my age" or "I am a handsome man" or "I am beautiful" (any ego-inflated remark)

Þ States "my mate must be financially secure" or "have a credit rate of at least 720" (your financial status is of no concern to someone who has never met you).

Þ Scary headline (such as "stalku", "insaneforu")

Þ Drinks daily (might be an alcoholic)

Þ Photos

· Sunglasses on in all photos

· Photo is very dark

· Photo shows body parts (such as a bare chest)

· Photo shows numerous shots of material things such as sports cars, swimming pools, boats

· Photos are distant with no close-ups

· Different hair color in photos could indicate old photos (compare information to what's stated in profile)

· Different sizes in photo-obese to underweight (could indicate old photos)

· Different eye color in photo than what profile states

· Provocative shots: any shot taken in his bedroom, without a shirt, or in a seductive pose

· More than 5 face shots of the same person

· Alcohol somewhere in the photo, such as a beer in his hand or on the table beside him

· Dirty house in background of photo (he should at take the time to prepare a good setting for the photo).

· Woman or arm of unknown woman in photo (sometimes the woman might be his daughter)

Remember these are red flags that may be a complete "no way" or a "let's find out a little more". Red flags are really just caution signs and you will have to come up with your own list though you can certainly incorporate whichever of this list fits you! Remember one red flag to one person may not be to another.

You may wonder with all the red flags or cautions how I ever have any dates. Remember the red flags are just cautions...something that makes me think that I need to find out more information. There are many profiles that don't have any red flags or cautions. Does that mean this person is a better risk? Not at all! Even the best profiles should only be taken with a grain of salt until you find out more about this person. It could be they hired a professional profile developer to create their profile or had someone more eloquent then themselves to come up with a good one.

In conversation you will use his profile to evaluate him for honesty and consistency. I met someone online whose profile said they do not drink. When he called me the first thing he said was "Oh, I went out and got drunk last night". He then proceeded to state something else in direct opposition to what he claimed in his profile. I cut the conversation short and did not correspond with him again.

Another man called me whose profile said that he is a family man and loves to ride and trade horses. When I asked him about his family he remarked on the fact that they live over a thousand miles away and that's how he gets along best with them, then he continued on to say that he hadn't rode or traded horses in over three years.

When I speak to someone and realize they have told a direct lie in their profile then I am no longer interested. It's the actual talking together and meeting that allows you to determine if the person is someone you're interested in spending more time with.

Based on your interpretations and your gut feelings, you too will be able to determine if the person is a good candidate for a date.

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