Online Dating - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Literally

This is the first time in my life that I've been single and having recently moved I really didn't know anyone except for some family. Having met my best friend online years ago, I trust the concept of online dating - much more than my mother's matches I might add. Although, I must say my experience with eHarmony, my first attempt at online dating, was depressing.

After a laborious psychological and matchmaking test, the _few_ matches I received scared me. One stringy-haired, scrawny guy looked like he was shooting up drugs in the photo and another was with his boy on a porch swing, caption: "At Ma's house after church." Moreover, the matches became even stranger when I included the last book I read, "The Fist of God." It is a fictionalized book related to the Gulf War. But the matchmaking gnomes interpreted differently and started sending me profile of very outspoken religious people. So what happened with the 29 key dimension test results? My literary preference says it all.

Finally, a decent online dating match appeared in my inbox. He was a well-off golfer who was confident, nice looking and intelligent. He loved talking about himself though. So much so, that, after a couple of phone calls, he made mama's boy sound appealing. I could have given up on online dating right there, but I assumed I must have failed eHarmony's psychometric testing because I was in a funk. It is probably not a good idea to take these tests after recently breaking up with your soulmate. Not giving up easily, I saw an ad for a new online dating site, Chemistry.com (owned by Match.com) and thought I'd give it a try.

Online Dating FYI: You can actually be rejected at eHarmony and be deemed "undate-able"? Ouch.

A New Online Dating Site - What Kind of Test is This?
At Chemistry.com, the online dating process was different from the start. First, you go through the personality testing, but it is a shorter process and actually somewhat fun. I did question its validity though. "So what if my second finger is a little longer than my index finger?" and "What does it matter how quickly I match hexagons?" But later I found these mystery measurements of one's true personality to be surprisingly accurate, more on that in a bit.

Next, I rated things of importance from looks to income to religious preferences. Then I entered my hobbies and interests - that I love to cook and fish really rings in the good ole' boys. Then, to my surprise, I actually received several potential online dating matches (up to 5 at one time) that fit my basic standards - including the fact that they didn't scare me, a good start.

Online Dating Woes - Are 25 year-olds Over the Hill?
At Chemistry.com I notice many of the men are very good-looking and have appreciable careers. On closer inspection of their online dating profiles though, I see that many of them are looking for 18 - 40 year-old women...eighteen?

Not wanting to be a trophy date and a couple decades over-the-hill, apparently, for these middle-age, neurotic, cradle-robbers, I eliminate these online dating prospects immediately. There were quite a few in this category in fact. Sad. Now, with the glossy photos and reading between the lines I somewhat get the impression that Chemistry is a glorified escort service. But I push on. This is pure online dating funk I tell myself. A lover of technology, I just know this online dating concept works - even if you are over 25.

Personality Profiles - Where the Truth Comes Out
The next step in the successful online dating process is to rate your interest level on each prospect and they, if you haven't scared them off yet, do the same. If either or both of you express enough interest, the prospective love of your life, or one night stand (whatever commitment you are looking for), moves to the "Interested in You" category. This is where "guided communication" can begin.

To aid in your decision to respond, each online dating profile is linked to their personality profile which is broken down into 5 general areas (agreeable/calmness, extroversion, spontaneity, etc.) with comparisons to your personality type. Chemistry's assessment of me seemed fair enough..."agreeable", somewhat "spontaneous" and all that. But they labeled me a "Director/ Builder". This must be their nice way of saying I'm kind of bossy and expect a lot. I am starting to feel lucky that I'm not labeled "undate-able" by this point.

Days pass and I find one match I am interested in but I don't respond right away. I am sure they had made a mistake. He had everything going for him (humor, looks, intelligence, career, etiquette) except that he was basically a zero on the calm and agreeable scale. I think this must be some online dating snafu or perhaps the guy is the equivalent of Ted Bundy. I don't listen to that little voice.

Online Dating Communication - Where the Fun Begins
Chemistry.com then offers the guided communication stage, standard with some online dating sites. I guess they don't trust us kids. This involves a short-lived step where you rate 10 items in importance (e.g., cleanliness, looks, money, communication style, fashion sense, family values etc.). Lastly, you exchange two sets of questions - your own or Chemistry's. If both parties agree, you move to direct communication via their email system - still protecting your identity, thank goodness.

After a month at Chemistry.com, I found two approachable men from the online dating pool. Bachelor Number One: a fun-loving, real estate broker, who I quickly surmise is there for one reason - to his credit at least with women in his own age pool. Bachelor Number Two: a humorous, articulate, well-traveled attorney (The one who otherwise bares a likeness to Ted Bundy) "Wasn't he a lawyer?" I think, oh never-mind that.

From there you can move the online communication to phone and ultimately set up a date. Chemistry.com will involve themselves in this process or you can go it on your own. I chose the latter. Soon "The Counselor" and I are talking -- nearly every night in fact -- on the phone and our conversations get somewhat in-depth about him and his cases. This before the first date. It doesn't take long to find his charm evaporate, especially if I don't answer his calls promptly. This sets off alarms, loud ones. Predictably, I didn't date this criminal defense attorney, but I no longer thought he was another Bundy. He was an interrogator to be certain and the jealous type. He was true to his online dating personality test after all. I guess Chemistry.com's hexagon challenge has some merit.

My Recommendation of Online Dating and Chemistry.com
As it turned out I had some personal things come up that wouldn't be conducive to online dating. So I decided to be single for awhile and I enjoy it. I'm not ready for the playboys and dictators, the great (aren't they all) fathers of five or the sincere, honest, hardworking laborers who just want "someone" (anyone) to love.

If I am ready to tackle online dating again, I may go back to Chemistry.com. Ever the optimist, I think their online dating service and program is a sound one and offers decent potential for interesting dates. Perhaps even a chance for those hoping to fall in love. On the other hand, I may start checking out the senior matchmaking sites so I don't feel so over-the-hill.

Did you know? Most online dating sites offer free trials, so you can 'date' these sites before you make a commitment?

Editors Note: As I was finishing this article I received another of many pleas to return to an online dating site. Included in such was this quote: "It's important that you don't give up. You may meet that person in a year or even more. But it's important that you meet the right person. There shouldn't be any deadline." But of course! At $50 a month, why rush things?