Online Dating - What If He's a Bad Guy

What if He's a Bad Guy...

The online dating adventure for me began about four and half years ago. During that time I have heard numerous remarks from friends and associates about safety concerns. Remarks range from comments such as, "that can't be safe" or "someone might try to kill you" to "you need to get off of that Internet". While I do appreciate their concern, at the same time I think, "What do you take me for? An idiot?" Unfortunately, in the beginning I was an idiot.

I was naïve and vulnerable and that led me to putting myself in risky situations that could easily have been avoided. I have learned through my experiences and the experiences of friends to become safety conscious and I believe it is a very important aspect of online dating that should always be addressed. Safety is crucial to having successful online dating experiences. It is my hope that you will avoid those common pitfalls that beginning online daters often fall into.

Summer is a petite, beautiful, blue-eyed blonde nurse with a heart as big as Texas. She is a trusting soul whose entire focus on online dating is finding Mr. Right. In her early 40s, she desires children and her time clock is ticking! She has a hard time not getting caught up in each online mate she gets interested in and always used to have the wedding planned out before the first date.

^Summer:

^{I started talking with a man from the next state. When asked for a picture he kept making excuses but finally he sent me an old photo with him in the distance. We talked for about two months by phone before we decided to meet and by this time I was convinced that he was my mate. We agreed to meet at a resort town in the middle (each driving about four hours) and share a room with a kind-sized bed for the weekend. The meeting was to be strictly platonic as we were simply sharing the room to offset expenses. I was certain that this man would respect our plans and not try to take advantage of me; after all, we had talked two months and were in love.}

^{When I first met Larry I was shocked. He reminded me of the Incredible Hulk, he was so huge and his veins were popped out all over. He was scary looking. I decided to not overreact to his appearance; after all, it was his personality that I had fallen in love with. We went out to eat dinner and during the course of our conversation I realized what a huge mistake I had made. He made ominous statements, borrowed my cell phone and left me holding the tab from dinner! He wasn't anything like I had imagined. I was feeling very regretful and apprehensive on the way back to the motel.}

^{When we arrived back at the room, I went in the bathroom and cried because of how things had turned out. I made up my mind I would leave and go home. When I came out of the bathroom there lay Larry, nude on the bed with a huge erection and saying, "I'm ready baby". I cried, "I'm not, I'm leaving". Larry got very irate but luckily he did not try to stop me.}

This story turned out okay but it could have ended very badly. Summer learned not to take such safety risks in the future though she is still hard at work looking for Mr. Right!

I took risks in the beginning by allowing my dates to pick me up at my house and going to places such as the mountains where we ventured onto secluded hiking or walking trails. I sometimes went to their house on the first date, which was ridiculously unsafe. Many daters report falling into the same habits of taking unnecessary safety risks when first getting out in the online dating world.

It will be absolutely necessary for you to develop and adapt your own safety guidelines to follow. The ones I have listed are the minimum safety measures you should take when first meeting someone. There are also many different dating sites that list a lot of the same safety tips. That's because most of the tips are just common sense and using your own natural instinct.

Safety guidelines

_{Never give out personal information. If they ask where I live I give them a general answer without specifics. I live in a very small town so when I post my profile to the site I always list the nearest large city as my residence.}

_{Never meet the date in person before you feel somewhat comfortable. If, after one email he says he wants to meet, tell him you would like to talk a little more first. Then after talking a little more online if you feel comfortable then you can proceed to exchange phone numbers. Give him your cell number only. To make sure your cell number is not searchable go to www.anywho.com. If your phone number is searchable call your cell company to find out how to make it hidden.}

_{Assess his conversation for honesty and integrity. Compare his dating profile to what he is telling you. His profile must match his conversation. If there are any red flags, end the conversation without making a date and cut all ties at this point. If during the telephone conversation, you are feeling reasonably secure with no conflicting information and no bad gut feelings, then proceed to accept a date if asked.}

_{Meet in a public place. Lunch dates are a great way to meet someone without committing to more than a short time together. It's daylight; therefore well lit and there will be plenty of people around. Coffee dates are another alternative.}

_{Give a relative or friend information about your date. Let someone know where you are going and when you will be back.}

_{Take your cell phone with you. If you don't have a cell phone then borrow one.}

_{Meet your date at the predetermined location. Do not allow him to pick you up at your home, go to his home or meet him anywhere besides the place you are going.}

_{Don't drink. Alcohol may make you take unnecessary risks and if the date is not on the up and up he might use this advantage.}

_{If after the meal, your date wants you to go somewhere with him in his vehicle tell him "not this time". Do not get in his car to talk. If you decide to go somewhere else after the meal then meet him there. Make sure it is also a public place.}

_{Online daters agree unanimously that the number one safety tip for online dating is to trust your gut instinct. If at any time you get a bad feeling it is crucial to end contact immediately!}

By adopting safety guidelines and enforcing them you can safely meet and date. Excessive time need not be wasted on endless emails and chatting sessions before determining if this person is date worthy. This is contrary to what a lot of dating gurus will tell you. Experienced online daters have found that the longer you wait to meet someone the more at risk you are in thinking they are someone they are not. Time is precious. Don't waste a lot of time talking with a faceless stranger. Sometimes you meet and find that this person isn't whom you thought--maybe in person their voice grates on your nerves. Perhaps they stated in their profile they are of average weight and turn out to be underweight or they are three inches shorter than you are. Perhaps there just isn't any chemistry!

Until you physically meet each other you cannot possibly determine if you really want to spend more time getting to know this person. Online relationships cannot reveal the total person while you remain online. You must actually meet the person face to face. Everything plays a part in your attraction and interest in this person including how you physically interact with each other.

After a few good emails or chatting sessions on Instant Messenger you should be able to determine if you feel this person is worthy of your trust in giving them your nonsearchable phone number. If after a few conversations you do not feel comfortable enough to meet this person there is a reason. Forget them and move on to someone else. However, if you feel comfortable after a phone conversation or two then follow the safety guidelines and meet!

Learn from those who have been there before you. Don't repeat the same mistakes they and I have made. Make a pact with yourself to follow safety guidelines, use common sense and trust your gut. Doing so will allow you to venture into the online dating world in a manner that is safe!

Other links for beginning online daters:
Online Dating Guide- Username
Online Dating Guide - Headline
Online Dating Guide - Creating Your Profile
Online Dating Guide - Photos
Online Dating Guide - Evaluating Profiles

You might also like:
Online Dating Guide - Dating Sites
Online Dating Guide - Learn to Date for Social Experience