Online Dating in the Inland Empire

In this bustling, endless rush hour that's estimated to house five million people by the year 2020, it's hard for some to understand why so many people find the need to bypass the hundreds they interact face-to-face with each day and jump online to find a date. For others, it's harder to understand why, in an area of the country as technologically advanced as the inland empire, it doesn't make sense to apply the same technology we use to manage our careers to the business of finding lasting love. In a curious quest, I've surveyed several of our local lords and ladies in an attempt to unearth the future of online dating, and whether it will remain a time-honored taboo, or will become the new norm.

Many are of the opinion that finding a life partner online is wildly unrealistic- people who find it difficult to get a date in any acceptable fashion, like humiliating themselves at singles events and sending endless martinis to tables of glaring prospects, can hop online, create a fictional, crowd-pleasing persona, and waste everybody's time by attracting mates under the guise of normalcy. We've all heard the supporting tales that keep many people safely on dull dinner dates year after year: I spoke to a 32 year old hairdresser from Colton who spent the better part of a year chatting online with an Australian man. After mutually deciding to meet, she flew to to spend two months with him. Upon her arrival, everything seemed perfectly comfortable until they arrived at his house. Somehow, he "forgot" to tell her that he lived with his mother, who did NOT know about or appreciate his bringing a foreigner into her home. He also forgot to tell her he had five kids! It gets better- in the midst of this episode of the Brady Bunch Down Under, the power and phone lines in the house were turned off, as the bills hadn't been paid. She ended up paying to have them turned back on just so that she was able to call home and speak to her own child.

Another of my survey participants, a 68 year old retired teacher from Banning, decided to give internet chat a try after the death of her husband. Thinking it would be a great way to meet spiritual men in her age group, she started a conversation with a 72 year old man who professed to be very religious, and they hit it off. After a few weeks of conversation, they decided to meet in person. Well, he turned out to be religious all right- he was actually a 46 year old Mormon polygamist who was looking for a third wife who could offer him the culinary talents that his other two wives could not.

A 29 year old defense contractor from San Bernardino met an 18 year old woman online, and began actively dating her. Their relationship was actually progressing quite nicely until he found out that she was actually a 16 year old girl! He was accused of statutory rape, and subsequently lost his security clearance and his job. These encounters are just a few examples of why many people refuse to jump on the internet browsing bandwagon. I've also been regaled with accounts of first meetings where one party was horrified to discover that the other was several pounds over their supposed weight, or several feet under their supposed height. Many people post profile pictures that are either decades old, cleverly photo-shopped to eliminate extra limbs and superfluous hair, or sport their heads pasted onto the bodies of underwear models. Understandably, these stories circulate and encourage people to stop their internet shopping sprees just short of anything two-legged.

On the other hand, advocates of internet dating cite many reasons why it makes good sense to tap into the smorgasbord of online mingling sites. First, allowing people to market themselves outside their daily routines, i.e. work, school, church groups, clubs, and teams, affords them much greater visibility to their target sex- many argue that the chances of finding their soul mates within the boundaries of their very own cities are statistically slim, so why not broaden the search to speed up the process? The wealth of information you can trade at the stroke of a key not only allows you to have a choice, but helps you to make a choice.

Online dating allows you to uncover the gory truth about matters considered uncouth to discuss on dates, but which routinely drive up divorce rates in the One of the greatest offenders is financial compatibility in this age of interchangeable gender roles. One of my survey participants, a 36 year old performance artist from San Bernardino, tells me that even the women he meets at secondhand bookstores want to see an ATM receipt before agreeing to date him. As a self-proclaimed "starving artist," he's more interested in finding a financially secure woman who wouldn't mind picking up the latte tab every now and again. On the flip side, a very wealthy 31 year old attorney from Colton is fatigued after fighting for the right to open doors and pull out chairs for an endless string of feminists, and really just wants a traditional woman who'd be fulfilled by raising a family. Online investigation enables both of them to search for exactly what they want in less time than it generally takes to toast their morning bagels.

Another touchy topic that can be sidestepped by online dating is the question of physical attraction. If you're browsing through a possible interest's pictures and don't like what you see, you can easily bow out early without hurting anyone's feelings, and vice versa. I spoke with a 34 year old travel agent from San Bernardino who told me that, as an African American man, he enjoys dating women of all races. However, after having endured a physical attack from a woman he approached on the street who disagreed with his broadminded interests, he now prefers to investigate a woman's preferences online before risking further bodily harm. A 29 year old office manager from Yucaipa has a prosthetic leg that she says prevents many men from approaching her. By clearly mentioning her condition right in her online profile, she only receives contact from men she knows aren't bothered by it.

Many of the empire's great catches, from lovelorn lawyers to wistful writers, simply want to find a kindred spirit with similar interests. A 25 year old single mom from Redlands recently went through a nasty divorce, and was looking for some impartial male advice. She figured that internet buddies would have no motive to lie to her, and jumped onto www.searchforsingles.com in search of a friend. Instead, she found herself chatting with the same man every day for a month, and was finally intrigued enough to call him. They've spoken every day since then, and are now engaged to be married.

So you're convinced- internet dating isn't just for trekkies and people who collect x-files memorabilia, and there are "normal" people dating online. But how far would you go to be with the love of your life? It generally seems that men are far more willing to travel great distances than women: A 31 year old loan officer from Colton confesses that, after just three months of chatting, he flew to Oregon to meet the woman who is still his girlfriend today! Since he believes that dating any way other than electronically is a waste of time and good cologne, he's willing to concede that travel costs are part of long-distance involvement. However, our aforementioned Redlands single mom refuses to travel more than fifteen minutes each way to evaluate her dates. Nevertheless, both are now happily involved with their internet conquests.

When it comes right down to it, meeting someone in a restaurant or a bar, chatting briefly, and agreeing to see him/her again isn't altogether different from meeting someone on a website. At least in a chat room, you have an opportunity to exchange information without the added distraction of sexual attraction, and the resulting temptation to embellish your life's achievements. Perhaps we won't know for another decade whether online dating has enough staying power for the Inland Empire or not. However, with the exception of the occasional serial killer, at least we know that it's certainly possible to net a great catch in the veritable ocean of the Internet Empire.