Online Dating: Should You Meet Someone Who Doesn't Post a Picture?

Before online dating sites became a popular place to meet other singles, I used to "play the personals." Back then (the late 80s), this meant placing personal ads in a magazine that existed solely to bring people together, whether it was to find a girlfriend or boyfriend, or just to meet others with shared interests. For my own goal, I suppose I was hoping to meet Mr. Right, or at the very least, Mr. Right Now. There was no online dating profile to view, but I had my prospective suitor send me a letter, and I always requested a photo.

Some of the photos were really, really bad. Like the one with his sister, whom I mistook at first for a wife or girlfriend. Or the one-armed man with half of the photo cut off (wife/girlfriend again). My favorite was the one who sent me a photocopy of his driver's license. But I digress. As bad as they were, those photos still gave me a general idea of what my prospective suitor looked like. I rarely considered meeting someone who didn't have a photograph, for practical reasons. It wasn't that I was a snob but rather, because I firmly believe looks do matter.

Without physical chemistry, a romantic relationship is doomed from the start. You'll always be fighting the urge to walk away and find someone who excites you physically. It is certainly true that you can develop more of an attraction to someone once you get to know them on the inside, but without some basic physical attraction to build upon, the relationship is just not going to last.

I speak from experience, having spent countless hours on the phone with several of my blind dates before agreeing to meet them. In those cases, we had incredible chemistry on the phone. I was intrigued and liked everything about them. I thought they had definite "relationship potential." Yet when they walked through the door, the relationship vanished before my eyes. We might become good friends (and in one case we did) but we would never have a romantic relationship.

I believe that for most people, it really is important to see a photograph prior to investing too much time getting to know someone. If I were ever tempted to venture into the wild world of online dating, I don't think I'd consider the profiles of the singles without photographs. Their online dating profile might seem perfect on the computer screen. They might be funny, witty and charming. But all of those things aren't enough if there is no physical attraction.

Looks are not the only thing that will determine compatibility in a romantic relationship, but they ARE a part of the total package. Plus, as easy as it is to upload a digital photo to the online dating sites (so I'm told), one has to wonder what those people without pictures are hiding. The element of surprise is fine for a birthday party, but when it comes to online dating, I'd really rather know what I'm getting myself into.