Online Dating: Mistakes Men Make During the Initial Message to a Woman

If you are a man who is trying a dating site and you send a lame initial message to a woman, you're going to be lucky to get a response. She doesn't know you; it's very easy to disregard a sub par message no matter how fantastic you might actually be. Sure it can be nerve-wracking to contact a woman you've never spoken to before, but avoiding certain mistakes can help increase your chances of getting a response.

Spelling and Grammatical Errors

It takes less than a minute to proofread a message. If you aren't great at spelling, use spell check but review it anyway. For many people, grammatical and spelling errors are huge pet peeves. For example, while reading the sentence, "I saw you're picture and its great." a woman may cringe and immediately close the message. Does it sound silly to some that someone would disregard a message because of a grammatical or spelling error? Sure, but the message is the only interaction she has with you and it may say to her that you were probably too lazy to spend a few seconds reviewing what you typed or that you don't know not to make the mistakes in the first place.

Not Asking Questions

An easy way to get a response from someone is to ask a question. I don't mean asking her bra size, I mean asking a question based off her profile. If you see she likes skydiving and you've always wanted to go, include a question in the initial message such as, "I noticed you love skydiving. I plan on trying it soon. What was it like?" which is a conversation starter and shows that you have interest in her life and that you took the time to actually read her profile and not just stare at her face.

Including a Survey

If you are confused by the subtitle, that's a really good thing. Some men include a survey when they send their initial message to a woman on a dating site. The message will start out with one or two sentences and then have a numbered list (reminiscent of the tests you took in high school) of questions that she must answer. Never ever do this. Ever.

Not Mentioning Mutual Interests

There is no better conversation starter than mentioning in the initial message that the two of you have something in common. Whether it's that you have the same breed of dog, you both have been to Fiji or that you went to the same college, make sure to mention it. It gets the ball rolling on a substantial conversation and gives her a reason to message you back.

Sounding Arrogant or Desperate

Confidence is sexy, arrogance is not. Including statements such as "If you don't message me back, it's your loss." or "No biggie if you aren't interested, there are plenty of women that are." is most likely not going to get you a response back. If you do get one, chances are it's not going to be the type of response you want. Sounding desperate can be equally as bad. Saying "You're so amazing it would make my week to hear back from you." will likely make a woman click out of your message faster than it took you to think of that lame sentence.

Asking For / Giving Out an Additional Form of Contact

There is a message system on the dating site for a reason. In the initial message, immediately handing out your phone number, Skype name, instant messenger screen name or some other form of contact or even asking for hers is going to likely freak her out. Sure it may be a bit of an inconvenience to message back and forth for awhile, but take things slow and let her feel comfortable otherwise you may come off too strong and scare her away.

Commenting on Her Physical Appearance

Complimenting a woman on her pictures in the initial message, whether you're saying something about her eyes, legs, stomach or face, could easily be interpreted as cheesy. It can also make you come off as though you're only interested in her physical appearance. If she has a beautiful feature, chances are many men have messaged her with the exact same compliment or greeting. Saying "Hey beautiful" may not seem so bad, but to a woman that has gotten that greeting in the initial message dozens of times is probably going to make her roll her eyes and move onto the next guy. Not mentioning her appearance at all in the initial message could be refreshingly different and actually make you stand out.

While writing your initial message to a woman via a dating site, it is important to be yourself. Keep it casual and avoid coming off too strong. Take things slow and get to know each other and before you know it, you could easily find yourself setting up a date.