Online Dating Safety - Protect Yourself Even Before You Meet

Speaking of online dating safety, I once met a man through an online dating site who lived several states away. As we progressed to phone conversations, in terms of personal information, all I told him was my first and last name. That's it. He, of course, already knew the city I lived in since it was in my online dating profile.

The next time I spoke to him on the phone, he told me my ex-husband's name and about his previous air force service (over 25 years ago) and then went on to describe the exterior of my home in detail. He was associated with the military and had gotten the information about my ex from some sort of source there and was looking at my home on Google Earth as we spoke. Although he seemed a nice enough guy and was too far away to do me any harm, this all really "creeped me out"! I never spoke to him again.

Another time I spotted a gentleman I had been talking to driving slowly past my home one day. I hadn't even told him my last name. Yet I discovered soon thereafter that I had missed a place that he could get it. I never spoke to him again either.

I learned a valuable lesson from both of these gentlemen. While neither of them actually meant or caused me any harm, it takes very little information today for someone to learn a lot about you - and potentially endanger you or your kids.

Online dating safety is a top priority for many internet daters. Tales of internet stalkers and out and out frauds using online dating sites to lure their prey can rattle many would be daters. But by taking a few common sense precautions, internet dating sites can be a wonderful and safe option for finding the love of your life. To start you off on the right foot, consider these five tips for online dating safety:

Online Dating Safety Tip 1. Start by setting up a separate email account for all your online dating correspondence.

The first rule of online dating safety is protecting your privacy. Internet dating sites such as Match.com, Matchmaker.com, EHarmony, Chemistry.com, etc. all provide email systems that shield your personal email address from the view of those you are corresponding with from their site. However, once you have gotten to know a potential date a little better, you may choose to leave the security of your online dating site's system. Even then, you may not truly know this person well for many months, so it's best to set up an email account specifically for these relationships, to keep them separate from your regular personal and business email accounts. Fortunately, it's quick, easy and free to set up email accounts on sites like yahoo, hotmail or gmail.

When setting up your dating account, keep your full name off of anything that those you correspond with will ever see. That is, do not use your full name in your email address, and don't use it anywhere that might show up when you send an email to your new love interest.

While most of the people you meet on internet dating sites are likely good and sincere people just like you, even good people can create problems if they try to correspond with you too much on your work email account or if you share your personal email account with your children, as many families do, and then your kids begin to see emails from strangers. Some suitors may come on in a way you wouldn't want your kids to see. Nor do you probably want your kids to read personal emails of yours, no matter how innocent the content. Then there are those times that you may reject a certain man or woman who isn't willing to go away quietly. By utilizing a separate email account, you can more easily shield yourself, your family and your work environment from possible disruption.

Online Dating Safety Tip 2. Do not include your full name or the name of your employer anywhere in your profile or in your early email or phone conversations.

When posting your profile, most people understand that they shouldn't put their real, full name in their profile. Most online dating sites will automatically remove it, as well as your email address, from your profile.

Many people, however, do not think about the possible danger of telling a stranger their last name once they are emailing or chatting on the phone with them. Through your profile, potential dates will know the city where you live and will likely have a picture or two of you. If you then tell them your full name, a simple internet search can get them your address and home phone number (if it's listed) and you have the potential for an unwelcome stalker. If you happen to have a Facebook or MySpace account, there's a whole lot more information a would-be stalker might find.

It's best to keep employer information out of your profile and your early conversations as well to further avoid having a stranger find you at your work. If you feel you must say something about your job, be generic. Rather than say "I love my job at WaZoo Café", you could simply tell them you love your work as a Barista. Whatever you do, always think privacy and safety first.

Online Dating Safety Tip 3. Do not post pictures of your children or the front of your home on your profile.

It's natural to want to show off our children. We're proud of them! And it's also natural to want to share pictures of our children and happy times we've had with them with people when we are seeking to bring them into our family lives one day. But there's no need to be too anxious about doing this by posting our children's pictures on dating sites, or even sending them to people we're corresponding with too soon. Armed with little more than our name, our city and a few pictures, someone with ill intent may find you or your children. Why take that chance?

Furthermore, until you have gotten to know someone and are ready to bring them to your home, don't provide them with hints about where you live by even providing a picture of your house. Some neighborhoods are distinct and people may be able to find you by finding your house.

Online Dating Safety tip 4. Use your cell phone rather than your home or office phone for calls from suitors.

Of course you will only give out your phone number when you have already corresponded enough with someone to feel comfortable in doing so. And by only giving out your cell phone number, you can control at least the incoming phone calls from potential suitors.

If your dates have your work number, they could call too often and get you in trouble. This is especially problematic if the relationship ends and they continue to try to plead with you. Giving them your work number will also often give them the name of your employer, giving them another way to find you when you may not want to be found.

Further, if you give out your home phone number, it is harder to keep your dating life separate from your personal life. If they leave a message, even assuming it's a nice and innocent message, on your answering machine, your kids may hear the message, raising questions and concerns in their minds before you are even ready to tell them about your new friend.

By keeping your dating phone calls on your cell phone, you can better control where and when you take the calls and who else knows about them.

Online Dating Safety Tip 5. Remove your full name and, if possible, your employer's name from your cell phone greeting.

This is where the drive by stalker friend I mentioned earlier got my name. We had been speaking on the phone some and he had had to leave me messages on occasion. In so doing, he heard my first and last name on my voicemail greeting and was able to look me up in the white pages on line. Such a simple thing, but I had forgotten all about it. And if he had not been a nice man, it could have become a serious, even dangerous, problem. I changed my greeting to include only my first name, solving this problem for the future.

The same also goes for putting your employer's name in your voicemail. There are some lines of work where you must have this information on your cell - For instance, if you are in real estate or some other type of sales or you have your own business and you use your cell as a primary contact number. In these instances, you may want to see if you can get away with being as generic as possible while still giving your company name to identify you for clients - Say, announce that you're with ReMax rather than ReMax Hobokin Office. But if you must keep your business name on your phone, don't fret. Just take care to follow the other tips to protect your privacy as much as possible.

If you follow these five online dating safety tips, you will go a long way toward protecting yourself and your family. They will put you in the driver's seat, able to control when you give someone more information about you and where you live when you have had time to determine if you really want them in yours and your children's life ... and whether they are safe. Then you can enjoy getting to know new people and focus on finding your soulmate. That's what online dating is for!

To learn additional online dating safety tips to apply when meeting your new love interest, click here to read "Seven First Date Safety Tips for Internet Dating".