Online Dating Scams: What They Are and How to Avoid Them

Seeking your true love online is no longer the embarrassing dating option that it had been labeled in the past. Though initially viewed as weird or something in which only desperate people would take part, those same naysayers now see the many benefits. Online dating is fast, straight to the point, gives the seeker several options and connects hearts all over the globe.

As with most things on the Net, however, some have developed ways to take advantage of love seekers online. They will manipulate your emotions to gain money, items, sex or more. They will use you until you put your foot down and then quickly move on to the next victim. These are online dating scammers, and everyone who tries their hand at online love should be aware.

Nigerian "Sweetheart" Scams

This scam is brutal. The scammer will create an online dating profile with a charming picture, enticing profile information and often claim to be from the expected victim's country. They will then find someone who's interested in the character they've created and may even send chocolates or flowers to this person's house early on to win them over (using a stolen credit card). They talk to their victim for months to gain their trust and affection before they spring their scam.

The victim will be told by their love interest that, although their love lives in the same country, they are on a job of some kind in Nigeria. They can't wait to meet and he/she will visit as soon as they are back, but there is a problem. Their boss has been paying them in money orders. The victim is then told how difficult it is to cash them in Nigeria and how this person, someone for which they've developed feelings, may not be able to make it home from a foreign country. Many online daters believe the hoax and are more than willing to help when asked to cash the money orders and wire them to Nigeria.

The problem is these money orders are counterfeit. In fact, the entire thing is counterfeit: the person in the picture, the profile information, the stories they've told, the feelings they've claimed and everything else. The only thing real thing is the bill you'll be left paying for cashing fake money orders which often amount to several thousand before the scam is up. Once you realize what's happen, it's already too late. The con artist is on to the next victim leaving you with a broken bank and a broken heart.

If you don't want to be the victim of a "sweetheart" scam, follow these rules:

1. DON'T CASH MONEY ORDERS AND WIRE THE CASH OVERSEAS TO PEOPLE YOU'VE MET ONLINE! This is a huge scam that appears in many forms all around the Internet. I know that love can leave you blind, but try to keep logical. This person has absolutely no other friends or family in their home country that can do this for them? Why would this person agree to take a job that pays in money orders in a foreign country anyway? Suspicious, no?

2. Don't let cheap items like flowers and chocolate buy your trust so easily. If you haven't dated in a while, this kind of romantic surprise may sweep you off your feet, but don't give up all skepticism yet. The entire purpose of the gift is to convince you they are honestly into you, and it tends to work. However, when you're being asked to wire thousands of dollars, don't think about that $20 teddy bear and feel guilty for saying no. There is a huge financial difference, and no one who is honestly interested in you would force you to take such a risk.

Besides, you shouldn't have given out your address to someone you don't know. Do you want that stolen credit card pinned on you because something that was purchased with it was sent to your address? Didn't think so.

3. Don't let them make you feel at fault for questioning their motives. If they are being pushy about you cashing money orders or anything else, let go. This person is more than likely a scammer, and if they are not, they are still not nice enough to be worth your time. Would you really want to have a relationship with a person who pushes you around before you even meet? You can do better.

4. The country doesn't have to be Nigeria and there are many forms of this scam. Sometimes you may be asked for a credit card number so they can purchase tickets to come home. Don't give out ANY personal or financial information over the Internet!

Internet Gold Diggers

These are not as obvious as the sweetheart scammers because they don't require their victims to send a large amount of money internationally. This type prefers to take a little bit several times over a period of months, but it all adds up and could even be more costly.

This scammer seeks out the caring types, the people who like to help. They contact them claiming shared interests and lay on the charm. After they are confident they've won the victim over, they start with the sad stories about how hard it is raising kids on their own and can't afford this or that for them; how their parent is dying and the medical bills are really adding up; how they just lost their job and don't know what they'll do, or any number of "woe is me" tales.

Then they strongly hint at something they'd like (money or items), and the victim, feeling sorry and convinced they'll eventually share a life together, gives in and sends what they need. They then continue to send things: money, electronics to remain in contact ("my computer is fried and I can't afford a new one"), jewelry, and even plane tickets, though only the boldest of these scammers will actually show up at the airport. Some really do, however, and expect the victim to pay for everything on the trip and either have sex with them (if they are looking for easy sex as well) or require that they not try to have sex with them (if they just want a free trip without having to sleep with their victim).

After the bills start piling up and the victim decides to stop sending the gifts, the scammer will become pushy or just move on. Or sometimes the scammer leaves after the victim asks for a small amount of help ("Could you send a few dollars to help with that phone bill I pay for you?"). This signals to the scammer that the well is dry.

Here are the rules for avoiding this scam:

1. You can't buy real love. If someone is requiring that you buy their affection in any way, it's not love; it's prostitution.

2. If a person doesn't let you say no or makes you feel bad for saying no, you should search for another profile.

3. If you're always ready to comfort them about their problems, but they insist that the only real thing that would help is money or items, then their motives may be questionable. If they get tired of you when you don't jump on their hints and send them stuff, then lucky you. Let them go.

4. If they are refusing to be serious with you or seem distant when you talk about commitments like marriage, children, moving in together, etc., but seem completely loving when you buy something for them, you may want to consider the implications of this behavior.

5. If they have a reputation in the Internet community for this type of behavior, be on guard. They may have an "everyone is out to get me" excuse and tell you that their ex interests are "jealous of what we share." Just keep in mind that there is the chance that they have him or her pegged for exactly what he or she is, but he or she would never admit that.

The Bum

This is very similar to the Internet gold digger, but there are a few key differences. This type doesn't settle for shipped items and will be more than happy to move in with you right away. This may be seen as a sign they are serious about commitment initially, but it's soon apparent that they just wanted a free ride.

They eat your food, watch your television, use your Internet (and sometimes continue contacting others on their dating profile), and spend your money without doing much to help you in return. When you politely ask about their job hunting, they get angry and accuse you of being bossy or trying to change them.

The scam is up when they decide you're "nagging" too much and find another online prospect who probably won't encourage them to get a job for a month or two or maybe just someone with more money to spend. You can also end the scam yourself by finally putting your foot down and kicking them out of your home, but they usually have a good sense of when these things are coming to an end and have a backup plan ready.

Avoid this by doing the following:

1. Get to know someone for a long time before letting them move in with you. If they don't have a job, find out why not. If after you've been talking for a few months and they still have no job or made no effort to find one, this may be a hint that they really don't care to have one.

2. If they seem too eager to move in, almost desperate, they may be seeking a place to crash out of necessity, not love.

3. If they say they are currently living with a girlfriend/boyfriend but need to break up with their mate because their mate keeps harassing and trying to change them, but they can't leave until they secure a place to stay, you need to really think before you let this person into your home. This is a person without a job who gets on dating sites behind their mate's back but claims their girlfriend/boyfriend is the terrible one in the relationship. This COULD be a fact, but is it likely?

The majority of the time, online dating is a beneficial way to find the match you've been seeking. There are many success stories and happy marriages as a result of Internet romance. Still, it pays to keep your eyes open instead of being blinded by love, not allow anyone push the boundaries too far too quickly and always avoid the "too good to be true." This can save you money and heartache.

Sources:

MSNBC: Singles Seduced into Scams Online