Online Dating Tips for Men

I have recently decided to try online dating and so far I like the results I am getting. I've always been an pretty decent writer and I have lots of experience with social networking sites, so creating an online dating profile was pretty easy for me. But I have discovered that many men are struggling with creating a successful, attention grabbing profile. I am just one woman, with my own singular opinion but I feel I can offer some helpful tips to men. Specifically tips that could help you create a more successful online dating profile that will help you generate more responses than you are getting now. I'm not an online dating professional or a relationship expert (isn't it obvious by the fact I am using online dating?) but I can tell you some of the things that make me disregard a man's profile immediately. Here are some suggestions for creating a great profile, communicating with other online daters, and tips that you may find helpful.

Profile Picture Do's and Don'ts
I'll admit the first thing I look at in a man's profile is his picture. Bad photos are just as unappealing as no picture at all. First impressions mean everything and this rule holds steady for online dating. Your main online dating profile picture should be one that showcases your natural self. In my experience I am more likely to click on a photo of a man genuinely smiling, without sunglasses or a hat. I am looking for someone that appears to be happy and enjoys life. Rigid poses, think hands at sides or behind back standing at attention are not likely to get me to click on your profile. Here are some examples of profile pictures I have not clicked on and simply passed over:

• Blurry and/or small photos
• Group pictures and/or inappropriate atmospheres
• Picture with a woman's face blacked out
• Inappropriate clothing and those with no shirt on
• Last but not definitely not least - no picture at all

Both blurry and small pictures are not likely to grab my attention. If I cannot tell what I am looking at or I have to use a magnifying glass to see it I am not interested. These types of photos say one of two things to me; 1-you have something to hide or 2-you are not technologically prepared for the world of online dating. Group photos will also not garner my undivided attention. If I cannot tell who the main subject is how am I supposed to decide whether or not I am attracted to you?

Inappropriate atmospheres encompass many things. For example; don't post a photo of you outside a gas station, in a store, or at someone else's home. Pictures of you volunteering, working, playing with your children, or engaging in any activity are much more likely to grab my attention. The next topic should go without saying - please do not post a photo of you standing next to a woman who has a black square for a head. Not only does this say you are recently separated, broken up, or divorced but it also shows that you did not put much thought into the picture you are using for your online dating profile.

Have you ever noticed that not many women use profile pictures of themselves in bikini's or trashy clothing? We don't do it because it attracts the wrong type of person. You should also apply this same reasoning to yourself. If you post a photo with your shirt off you can expect women to be after you for your looks or to avoid you because of your looks - this can work both for you and against you depending on what you are looking for. It is definitely advisable to use photos that you appear approachable, clean, and friendly. The dirty T-Shirt and camouflage shorts are not helping you get responses.

No picture at all is a guarantee of no response. If I am being flirted with, winked at, liked, poked, or emailed by someone without a photo I will not respond. Use photos that showcase your wonderful smile and your everyday life. The more photos you can include the better. I am 100% more likely to respond to someone who has more than 5 pictures posted to their online dating profile. Include photos of things you like to do, places you have been, and pictures of your pets to guarantee interest by the opposite sex.

Incomplete or Generic Profile
If you are completing an online dating profile on a whim or you haven't dedicated yourself to the entire process just don't bother. You may have a great profile picture and headline but if your profile is blank or incomplete I will not look twice. Be real, be specific, and be genuine. Far too many men enjoy the "outdoors" and sports. If you enjoy the outdoors, explain what it is you like. Are you a hiker? Do you like camping, running, or fishing and hunting? Detailed online dating profile descriptions are much more likely to get a response.

We get it, almost all men like sports. But this doesn't mean your online dating profile should only be about sports. Usernames like "hockeyfan6871" or "sportznut#1" are not going to appeal to the opposite sex. Instead of saying you are a baseball fan tell us who your favorite team is and why you like them. How did you become a fan? When did you go to your first game? Do you also play sports? What is your favorite sports related memory? You'd be surprised but we may be able to relate to your love of sports if you simply tell us more.

Next, incomplete profiles are guaranteed to be ignored. If I see a man is interested I immediately get excited. But if I click on your profile and you have only written two sentences I will go back to my inbox or search results without a second thought. If I cannot get a clear idea of the type of person you are, why should I bother? Tell me about the kinds of music you like - and again, be specific. Don't just list genres but name your favorite bands and artists. Tell me about your favorite foods, places to "hang out", and your hobbies.

Also very important; include your age, location, status (separated/divorced/never married, etc), and don't hesitate to mention if you have children. Lying about and/or hiding facts of your life is not a good way to start off a relationship. Not discussing your income is totally acceptable but outright lying about your age or marital status is definitely a deal breaker. Most of all saying anything is better than not saying enough or nothing at all. Writing one sentence followed by "ask me anything" is not guaranteed to gain my interest.

The Headline Matters
Most online dating profile websites require you to create a headline. This headline is often displayed next to your photo in search results. Many times the online dating websites suggest coming up with a play on words, something quirky, unique, or funny. Although being unique may grab the attention of the opposite sex in some cases your headline works against you. You may think you are being funny or cute but many of the headlines men use are cheesy or generic. Avoid phrases that only select groups of women will understand or those that have been repeated time after time. Here are some examples of bad headlines:

• "Good man seeking good woman"
• "Tired of drama, ready to settle down"
• "Looking for my best friend. Email me if you are her"
• "Ready for the real thing/Looking for Ms. Right" (way too many guys say this)
• "Everybody Wang Chung tonight"
• "Chivalry isn't dead, it's just been hiding here the whole time"
• "Two is better than one"

I could go on and on, believe me there's more and worse lines that this out there. But these are just some guidelines to help you avoid a bad line. Here are some headlines that I personally have responded to:

• "Thunder looking for lightning"
• "Looking for a challenge mentally and physically"
• "The worst that could happen is you have a new friend"
• "Thirst for life and love"

Communicating With Intent
If you come across a woman's profile that interests you the very first and best thing you can do is read her profile before you try to talk to her. I have received far too many emails and flirts from people who have nothing in common with me, or are outside of what I am looking for. Read her profile and make sure you are the type of person she is looking for. Do you fit the age range she is looking for? Being a 20 something myself, it irritates me to no end to see emails and flirting from men old enough to be my father. Some women may be searching for an older or younger man but you have to read their profile to know this. If you are more than 2-3 years on either end of the age range she is looking for you are better off moving on.

If she enjoys frequenting bars and concerts but you are more of a stay at home kind of guy, it's not a match. In order for a connection to be made and to last, you must have something in common with the woman you are showing interest in. Read her profile to find out what her hobbies are, where she likes to go out (if at all), and what type of person she really is before sending that first email.

If you decide to send her an email be original. There are far more men on dating websites than there are women and we tend to get lots of email. Meaning you have lots of competition. You have to make yourself stand out in some way. Mention something you saw in her profile and try to relate on a personal level. Also, don't forget to include a subject line; it shows interest. Here are some examples of emails I have deleted recently:

• No subject: "Hi! I love your pictures. If you would like 2 talk sometime let me know."
• Hello: "How is your day? Do you like this website? Are you getting a lot of responses?"
• Hi: "WOW! U are hott!" (yes, he spelled it with 2 T's)

Not only is the subject line important, but so are spelling and grammar. If you cannot take the time to compose something original that is also spelled correctly you are wasting my time. Spelling, proper punctuation, and grammar are very important to show you are educated. In my experience, I am not going to respond to someone who does not take the time to proofread their message before clicking send. I also prefer a genuine message free of internet lingo like "LOL", "gr8", and smiley faces. Writing like you are using messenger service or text shows a lack of maturity. The content of your message is also important and lets me know you have actually read my profile. Here are some examples of messages I have responded to:

• You are interesting: "Wow! I am impressed. If you would like to talk some time I would like that very much. By the way...you have a really cute dog!"

• Great job on your profile: "In your profile, the photo with the truck in the background is my favorite. As soon as I saw it I laughed out loud! I love someone who can joke around and have fun. Like you, I am seeking a long term relationship and would like to communicate on more levels than just email. I look forward to hearing from you!"

• You've sparked my interest: "I like your photos. You are smiling in almost all of them and that is good. I am seeking someone that is happy and you seem to have it. If you would ever like to talk email me and we'll take it from there."

When composing the first message it is great when you include something you've seen on my profile. Also it helps if you show an interest in further communication without being pushy. As an introduction email is great but you cannot count on it to sustain a relationship. If you want to show a real interest you have to commit to talking on the phone and meeting in person. With that said you cannot force an introduction too soon or stall and wait too long. In my experience a week of talking over the phone and internet is the perfect time to suggest a date. If I have been emailing someone for more than 3-4 days I fully expect to be talking on the phone within the first week. When suggesting a possible date keep in mind activities that both you and her enjoy. A mutual interest is a sure fire way to make a connection.

Most men tend to stick to the tried and true methods of dating such as dinner and a movie. But if you want to make a lasting impression choose something that she will not forget. All women are different so there's no answer to what the perfect date would be. But in talking to her you should be able to discover easily what interests her and activities that she would enjoy. Don't be afraid to suggest something out of the ordinary like a dance class or volunteering.

As I said in my opening I am not an expert in online dating or relationships. I just really think a woman's point of view could help out a lot of guys who may not be getting the results they hoped for. I hope my suggestions help any man create a successful online dating profile, lead to more responses, and overall I hope they help you find love! Good luck!