Online Dating Tools: Facebook

People out in the dating world often lament about not being able to meet people unless they go on the "meat" market circuit: singles bars. Facebook is a great tool for you to meet someone in the dating world. When it comes to dating, those with the best toolboxes succeed.

Facebook is a great dating aid in that it allows you to maintain a sense of anonymity while you get to know the person. The person will not know your personal email, and will only know as much personal information as you give them via your profile and contact online. You can maintain mail contact through Facebook mail. You don't have to move beyond that until you feel comfortable.

How many times have you met a blind date for a cup of coffee only to know within the first five minutes of the person talking that you need to get out of the room? Facebook takes the awkward edge off of screening potential dates.

So how do you start? Begin with yourself. When you write your profile, don't consider Facebook a dating tool so much as a tool to meet people in general. The rule has always been that you never find someone when you are looking. You find someone when you stop. All that said, you put together a profile that will put you in contact with people of similar interests. You tell about yourself, and you let your personality shine through. Be a friend in order to gain a friend, so to speak.

Your Facebook profile is all another human being will have to judge whether or not he wants to get to know more about you. Start with vital information. How often in your dating life have you run into someone you had been interested in, but didn't make it known? Years later you run into the person and he says, "I didn't know you were interested! I wish you had told me." Make sure you say what you mean in your profile.

Dating is not for the timid. You have to let people know not only who you are, but what you are looking for. Fill in the information portion of Facebook to reflect your status. Single? Looking for a relationship? If that's what you want, make it known.

On the other hand, don't write your Facebook profile like a personals ad. They're not the same thing. Most people are not on the site for dating purposes solely, and if you write your profile like a personals ad, you'll put off people who may have been people you would have wanted to know. Many people use the site to keep in contact with old friends, join with people with a similar hobby or even as a networking tool in business. If you meet someone to date along the way, so much the better, but you don't want to sound desparate.

Tell about yourself in your profile: your likes, schools, background. That's how we sift through people in the real world to decide with whom we might have a potential love interest.

Photos. Don't go for glamour shots. First, they're unrealistic, and the person viewing them knows that. Choose photos that represent parts of your regular life as well as well you're all dressed up in your best. I have a photo of myself with my dog. My eyes are closed, I'm wearing an old sweatshirt, my hair looks like a finger-stuck-in-the-light-socket shot, and I'm making the worst face. I've met so many people as a result of that photo! I have a photo of myself in a dressy outfit, but I've been told by guys who have written me that they were drawn in by the photo with the dog because I seem so normal.

Be proactive. While others search your information, you can search theirs. Join groups such as those for the city in which you live, your university alumni, hobbies, ethnic backgrounds and the like. Within those groups, you'll see people of interest.

Strike up an email conversation. If it seems like you have something in common, you can move to the next step: asking to be added as a friend.

Facebook works to find potential dates for so many reasons. You get to observe from afar while getting to know a person. That's a major seller.

Don't just view the person's profile page. Go to his wall and find out what sort of comments he is giving/receiving. I look at past comments to see what the person might have said to others when he thought I wasn't looking. I make it clear to my friends that my children have access to my page so I don't want then sending me off color notes or the like. If this person sends comments you consider tasteless, you have a bead on his personality.

You can judge the person by other things. Facebook allows you to control things from a privacy point of view. Your new friend may restrict what you see on his site. For example, if the person cuts you out of the loop so that you are not seeing his daily newsfeed, you have a clue to the personality. The person has something to hide. Do you want to waste your time?

You can send cute, personal comments to your friends on Facebook: smiles, hearts, funny signs, It also allows the person sending the comments as well as the person receiving the comments to allow friends to see these comments. Do you notice that the person does not allow your comments to show up on his site publicly? As this is an anonymous site, know some things work both ways. The person may be very attached and not allowing your cute comments to go through for fear that the significant other, friends or family will find out. That may not be the case, but then again, it's a very good clue as to how a person behaves. Or, if all of a sudden your comments are being deleted, that may be a sign that the person is playing the field much more than s/he has led you to believe.

Check out their friends. Most people have their profiles set to private unless you friend them, but not everyone. What comments is the person making to others. Perhaps he's making the same ones to you and to many other people. At Myspace, for example, it's not unusual to find a person sending the SAME emails to multiple people. That puts this more into the real of a cyber "meat" market. Move along.

Are you seeing the beauty of this now? You can check out a person to see if you are compatible long before the person has lots of your personal information.

Facebook allows you to maintain a sense of anonymity while you get to know the person. The person will not know your personal email, and will only know as much personal information as you allow them to have via your profile and contact online. Maintain mail contact through Facebook mail. You don't have to move beyond that until you feel comfortable.

If you decide to meet in real life, treat it as you would any other blind date without references. Be safe and be aware that the person you have been corresponding with may not exist in the real world. That sounds disheartening, but people tend to build themselves up online. One man I spoke with complained to me that he'd met a woman online who lied from start to finish regarding her occupation, height, even the fact that she smoked. His theory was that she felt sure she'd get him to like her, then he would see past anything he might not like. The problem is, the person he was attracted to didn't exist. And, the person he met was a liar. This is a pitfall of meeting someone online.

So, remember, Facebook is but a tool in the dating game. Repeat that over and over to yourself.

Use Facebook as a tool to meet people of like interests. Use Facebook as a screening device. You may meet people you want to date, but more than that you'll meet people with whom you have things in common, and you'll meet friends. That's a good place to start regardless of your end game.