Only Living Not Alive

Back when I was young

It's sad how even then I felt my life was over

When it had barely begun

But here I am more than a decade later

And I have that feeling once again

My life is at a stand still without any sense of real joy

I just go through the motions

The struggles of day-to-day

It's not even that I'm depressed

I am just too busy to stop long enough

To take the time to appreciate life

The last time I wrote this poem or at least the title,

I was still in high school

There were tests to take and study for

Things that took up the majority of my days

And when I wasn't studying

There were bills that needed to be paid

And here I am a bit older

And there are still tests and trials that I must bear

New bills that empty my pocketbook, new worries abound

I think that I will go ahead and complete this poem this time

And hopefully get on with my life

Maybe then I will feel a sense of completion

A sense of self-fulfillment that I have yet to actually achieve

Maybe then I will have the opportunity

To feel something different from what I feel right now

Something at all besides knowing that while I may be breathing

I am only living and not alive.