-ooch

Malia and Sasha Obama are to be getting a new puppy. It's official. Barack Obama said so in his victory speech on Tuesday night, and he listed the specifics at a press conference this Friday afternoon.

Imagine the scandal if they had gotten a cat instead. Dogs are meant to represent fidelity, while cats symbolize whores. I can see from their respective behaviors how one would arrive at that association, but it's unfortunate that the label sticks in our collective consciousness. Why are dogs masculine and cats feminine? Because men are faithful and women are whores? Hmmm?

To be fair, I think cats and dogs are equally promiscuous and sex crazy when they have their genitals intact. It's just that cats don't do what they're told. Therefore they're just like women who don't do what they're told.

I really don't like the word "pooch", and I'm not sure why. It might be because of how close it is to the word "poop", and I've never liked that word either. So it's a shame when I see local news stations, or anyone else for that matter, refer to dogs as "pooches". It mostly bothers me when I hear it in movie trailers centered around lovable dogs.

Maybe, then, I shouldn't like the word "hooch", but I really like the word. I encourage you to say it out loud right now.

I'll wait.

Think of all the things you can do with a hooch. You can drink hooch, you can live inside a hooch, and then if you're lucky you can enter a hooch. To be fair, entry isn't necessary, but tender loving care is.