Open Home at Area 51??

About a week ago I decided to get the bicycle out and head off. The terrain was difficult, nature beautiful. I was pedaling happily in the Nevada Dessert, not an area where folks think of when they go on Saturday exercises. I was completely alone, and probably lost.

Until I came upon a sign, tacked somewhat amateurish to a lonely post. "Welcome to Area 51". I was amazed to see such a sign. Has the US Government, after all these years of denying such existence gone mad? I looked up at the sky. You could probably see it from Outer Space, and that was not exactly keeping things a secret. I peddled on, a lot more energetically now. After a while a second sign appeared, like the first one, but this time there was a gate. On the gate was a sign too :"Open Home Sat 3-340" The 340 was presumably Military jargon for 3.40.

I decided that this was an opportunity too good to miss. I was going to find out what they were up to and pedaled on. The atmosphere was a bit creepy. No cars, no flags, actually I was all alone. The landscape was, to say the least,not well maintained. You would think the US Government would have spent a couple of dollars from the petty-cash to give them some rose-bushes. But then again, those might die from neglect. These scientists were probably not too interested in Horticulture. No, their minds were occupied with something else. I was hoping that they were in a festive mood and that they would serve me coffee.

Finally I saw a building. In my exhausted state I nearly missed it and had pedaled on, into the dessert again. It looked nice; some architect had done a good job with concrete. He had to, because there were no windows, let go window-boxes, with geraniums blooming. There was 1 door and it was open. Well, the sign did say "Open Home". I wiped my dusty feet on the "Welcome-mat" . When I looked up,I stared into 20 very surprised faces. These white-clad scientists had not expected a visitor at all. Of course, being in the middle of nowhere without passing traffic is not helping when you have an "Open Home".

Being a friendly person, I decided to make the first contact as they were still standing there in stunned silence. "Hi, am I on time?" I asked. That is always a good starter and someone has to answer back. Nervous twitter from the scientists, who finally found their voices again. One stepped forward. "Welcome visitor", he said. I grew suspicious. No Real Estate Agent has ever greeted me in such an official manner. I started taking off my biking-helmet and sun-glasses. "Eh, I hate to ask you guys, but would there be coffee here somewhere?" To my surprise, they left me standing there and started huddling in a corner of the hall, like rugby-players before a scrum. I was hoping things wouldn't grow violent here; 20 scientists with murder in mind is not something to be messed with. And I don't know anything about rugby.

One of them came back. "We do have coffee, visitor, it is brewing in something we call a kitchen." I stared at him."Oh, I call it kitchen too" I said. So, we all trotted off to the kitchen, where I spotted a nice cappuccino-maker. It was becoming somewhat crowded at that stage, since all of them had followed us. I started to think quickly. Perhaps they didn't go out much. Perhaps they didn't get many visitors here. Perhaps they were secret glue-sniffers. My mind boggled with possibilities.

They made me take a seat in the one comfortable chair available. The rest of them sat on the retro-inspired vinyl chairs, along the wall. As I leaned back into my chair, the foot-rest came up and I gratefully rested my painful feet on it. As they stared at me in silence I decided to ask for some food. What kind of hospitality was this? "Can I have something to eat please, I've come a long way" I said. "We have something called cookies" the same scientist said. "Yes, I call them cookies too" I replied. Were these people mad?

When they wanted to take photo's of me I became angry. This wasn't going the way I had in mind when I came here. I had expected to see space-crafts,aliens,charts of the Universe, even an Astrologer or a Tarot-reader would have been fine with me. And what was that "Visitor" about? Of course I was a visitor, I had never been there and I didn't live there.

I decided to make an official complaint here. "Can I see the Manager?" I asked. This is what I do in shops too, when I feel I'm not treated well. The one talkative scientist guided me to his office. He closed the door carefully behind him, and turned on a video-camera, which surprised me a bit. "I like to make an official complaint here" I started. "What about visitor?" he said. "Well, first of all, I come all this way and all you guys do is stare at me. Then I have to ask for coffee and food. That's not the way they do things where I come from." I stated in a loud voice. "Oh, I am sorry to hear that, visitor, but we've never had someone like you come here." he said, grabbing a map of the Universe. "Which Galaxy do you actually come from, and which Planet would that be where they drink coffee?" he said.

I pointed at my town on the world map. And started laughing. So, that is what they do in Area 51. They wait for Visitors. From Outer Space. If you ever see the Open Home sign, make sure they know you're human, or else you might not get a cup of coffee.