Open Vs. Closed Adoption

The decision to adopt a child is an enormous undertaking for any family that involves a certain amount of desire and trust. Adoption can be a beautiful process through which parents who cannot have children naturally get another chance at the joy of raising a child. When you first begin the adoption process, you'll be faced with scores of choices, and being cognizant of those choices in advance will make the process go much more smoothly.

The two main types of adoption are open and closed adoptions. For decades, closed adoptions were the norm in the United States, but in recent years, the tides have changed. Now more than 67% of adoptive families utilize the open adoption method, which comes with both pros and cons.

A closed adoption is one in which the adoptive family and the birth family never meet. An agency is used as the intermediary, and the birth family places the child with the agency. It is then the agency's job to place the child with a suitable family, whose name and location will be unknown to the birth parents.Although this method is still utilized for nearly all international adoptions, it is becoming less and less common for adoptions within the United States.

An open adoption, on the other hand, allows the birth parents and adoptive parents to connect during and after the pregnancy, and the birth parents are given the right to send letters and to request pictures as the child grows up. In some cases, the birth parents and adoptive parents even become friends, or the birth parents are granted visitation rights to the child. The adoptive parents might be invited to the hospital to participate in the child's birth, and are granted custody as soon as the delivery is over.

Although closed adoptions are no longer popular, many child psychologists think that they are healthier for the child. They say that while parents are encouraged to be open with the child about his or her adoption, that having both families in the child's life can be confusing and sometimes painful.

Open adoptions can also be difficult for the adoptive parents, who may be asked to aquiesce to the birth parents' wishes. Some birth parents demand visitation rights and might even request to let the child stay with them every once in a while. The adoptive parents are trying to create a safe and secure home for their newborn, and sometimes birth parents can complicate that process.

Conversely, it is believed by many that a child deserves to know his or her birth parents. Emphasis is placed on the genetic pool and on "blood family," and depriving a child of those relations is thought be some to be detrimental to the child's development. Although the child is raised and cared for by the adoptive parents, the child may be comfortable in knowing his or her roots.

Debate aside, it is decision of anyone considering adoption which method will work best for them. To aid in the decision process, here are some questions that you can ask yourself:

1. Do you feel that your adopted child should have a right to know both you and his or her birth parents? This is a difficult question, and should not be answered without careful consideration. If you feel that your adopted child should have a relationship with his or her birth parents, then you might want to consider open adoption.

2. Will it make you uncomfortable to meet and build a relationship with the birth parents of your child? Some people don't feel comfortable with this idea, while others embrace it. Adoption is stressful, no matter how joyous and exciting, and adding to that stress might be more than you can handle. If you are worried about the experience of knowing and having a relationship with the birth parents of your child, closed adoption might be the better choice.

3. Do you believe that knowing both you and his or her birth parents will confuse your child? Some parents feel strongly about this while others don't. Honestly, the answer depends largely on the personality of your child, which is impossible to ascertain at infancy. You can't make a wrong decision, however, so it's best to go with your instince. If you are worried about confusing your child, closed adoption might be the better choice.

4. Do you have firm beliefs concerning "blood" family ties? Many people believe very strongly in the emotional, mental and of course physical connection between people who share the same family tree. If you feel that your child would benefit from being close to people who share genetics with him or her, open adoption will provide that for the child.