Opening Your Home to Friends (and Other Regrets)

When a person says, "My house is your house", that implies that guests should feel at home, but also means they should respect my home as they would their own.

I was horrified at Cathy A Montville's experience with bad tenants (Real Estate: Renting Your Home and Bad Tenants) and was thankful I didn't have anything like that to deal with. Little did I know, house guests can be just as destructive. The disappointing side of that, though, is that inconsiderate guests usually arrive as friends and leave with their names crossed off the Christmas card list. Tenants do their dirty work without the homeowner aware of what's going on, while guests proceed to systematically trash the house before your very eyes.

When Sherri Thornhill wrote about pool etiquette and reasons for people not being invited back to her pool (Please Don't Pee in My Swimming Pool), I wondered what kind of people would actually behave like that. I was chuckling to myself at her experiences, not realizing that pool owners were not the only ones to attract inconsiderate guests. I'm not chuckling anymore!

I was appalled that my friend of 36 years, who used to be a clean freak, would come back from the beach with her two grown sons and track tar and sand all through the house. I have a two story home half a block from the beach, so I keep old rags and various kinds of tar removers next to the back door. There are chairs outside to sit on and clean your feet, an outdoor shower, and a large rack for towels, bathing suits, etc.

My friend watched while I went through the house cleaning tar off the carpet after going out to buy different types of cleaners. She suggested I use nail polish remover, but I opted for something that was actually meant to clean carpet. While I cleaned, she told me I shouldn't have gray carpets in a house near the beach and that the pile was too thick. I agreed with her that cleaning up the spilled chocolate ice cream and rainbow sherbet might have been easier if I had indoor/outdoor carpet in my family room. I jokingly said that I could've just hosed down the whole upstairs after they left. Oh, wait, was that a joke?

After cleaning the tiles, the bathrooms and bath tubs, I thought they might get the hint, along with the suggestion that they all clean their feet outside before coming in the house. My "friend" was indignant and said I didn't need to clean up after them. I told her I wasn't doing it for her and just smiled.

She criticized the white walls and said they should have some color. I bit my tongue before I could ask if that was to hide all the fingerprints from their filthy hands. She criticized the towels and the soft water, the selection of sodas and green tea that I had on hand for them, the assortment of breakfast pastries that could pass for a small bakery, and everything she saw here.

The pretty bedspreads and comforters are filthy. The teak coffee table has rings from wet glasses because they wouldn't use the coasters I practically covered it with. The tablecloth has stains because they didn't like my placemats. There was a lot of tongue-biting going on the last 10 days.

Maybe it's just me, but when I go to someone's house to visit, I'll take along some sort of gift or souvenir for the hostess, and some little things for the kids if they have any. I'll help with the groceries and pick up the tab when we go out for a meal. If I use my host's car, I'll fill the tank before bringing it back and have it washed if it needs it. I always make sure our living space is at least as clean as we found it and compliment my host for the wonderful hospitality and beautiful surroundings that made my stay so incredible.

My friend brought a beer glass for me, which her son reminded her she had stolen from the restaurant he works in. She didn't need to bring anything, especially if she had to steal it. She did go shopping, but kept the food and drinks in a bag in her room and only shared with her two boys (17 and 21). Our kitchen cupboards look like a plague of locusts have passed through. She would tell me we needed more of something when they finished a box of cereal or a package of cookies, which was considerate. She made sure I knew which kinds to buy next time.

She didn't like the laundry detergent I use, so I told her to pick some up when she was out. She didn't, of course, and mine is all gone, so I guess it wasn't all that bad. I can't wait to get the utility bills next month. They left their lights on, including heat lamps in the bathrooms, 24/7. I would turn them off and they magically came back on. They took showers several times each day and finished up all the shampoo, soap, lotion and sun screen.

We ate at restaurants quite a bit and she divided the bill 50/50 for the 3 of them and me. More tongue biting. My 15yo son locked himself in his room after the third day of their visit and didn't come out until the last night they were here. My friend wanted to treat us to dinner. I was shocked. We had been having a Margarita with dinner, but when she treated, she ordered water for everyone and set the tone by announcing she was getting the most inexpensive meal on the menu. My son and I did the same, which was fine. She ended up not liking the food or the service, but I was getting used to the complaints and let them go in one ear and out the other. She would be leaving the next morning.

I'm not a big drinker, but I'm going to start gearing up for National Tequila Day, which Sherri Thornhill reports is on July 24. Tequila is actually good for you (Tequila's Health Benefits), so I will be testing that theory and possibly reporting back if it's true that it makes your clothes fall off.

Before inviting someone to visit your home, your pool, or loaning out anything you value, think twice about what that will do to your friendship and your wallet. My "friend" and her boys left this morning, but I don't think they even realize the damage they've done to our friendship and home.

Now... where's that tequila bottle?