Operation M.E. (Mommy's Enjoyment) for 2010

Learning to be a little bit selfish can be a good thing. Let me explain.

I have always said that all I wanted for my son is to be happy, regardless of what profession or lifestyle he chooses. Not much more than a year ago it occurred to me to ask myself if knew how to be happy. Was I, as his mother, imparting the appreciation and enjoyment of life that I wanted him to have? Most of my adult life I have really only allowed myself to indulge if I felt I had "earned it" with overwork or self-denial of some sort. I clearly needed to rethink my own approach to life.

If my son was going to learn anything about genuine happiness from me, I needed to learn what happiness meant to me and pursue it like I want him to be confident pursuing it.

To become qualified as my son's "happiness coach" I initiated Operation Mommy's Enjoyment (Operation ME for short) for 2009. Turns out I desperately needed a 101 in living life on my own terms, discovering activities I enjoyed and finding the confidence to pursue them. For myself. Not for the good of humanity or my family or anyone else--just for little ol' me.

The discovery phase of Operation ME took up most of 2009. I learned a lot about myself and what makes me happy. I also got to know my husband all over again, what I like about him. We spent more quality time with our son and began developing our unique set of values as a family. I learned that having guilty or not-so-guilty pleasures made me a more empathic person, wife and mother. We started having more fun together, me and my two most favorite "boys" (my son and husband).

When it comes to our cubs, we momma bears do get stuff done, and thanks to Operation ME I was fully on board with my boys' fun. I know how much my preferred activities mean to me, so I understand on a deeper level how important my boys' (and everyone's, really) fun and chill time is to them. It's become sacred almost, and my approach to mothering has changed. No more crisis management; planning is essential. Plan the work, absolutely but also plan the fun or it won't get done.

Through all of this my husband and I fell in love all over again making this discovery all the sweeter. We wanted to make a new life, a simpler life, with time to enjoy the things that make everything else worth it.

Life changes are tough to implement but we are a determined bunch so we set about planning. Life helped us out. In fact, I wonder sometimes if the universe does me a favor now and then and gives its vote of confidence in my plans by providing a catalyst to ensure my commitment to change. Our catalyst came in the unattractive (and for us delayed) package of the recession. The economic Angel of Death that brought the mortgage giants to their demise did not, unfortunately, pass us by. We were forced to decide a new direction for 2010.

We are taking the leap. We are changing it all. We plan to live on our own terms, pursue our dreams, enjoy the things and people we love--something that I hope to instill in our son because life is what you make it and there is just no good reason it shouldn't be enjoyable.

The life we'd created for ourselves, while amazing in construction and perhaps perfect to most people who have observed it from the outside, was not what we wanted. The pace was too fast, there was no time to take a breather. Before, I didn't mind it. Now I value my time much more. I question my obligations and things I feel "must be done". Are those things more important than having a good time myself and with my family? Most of the time, they aren't.

I'm happy to report life has never been better. I look back on my previous self as a frantic, stressed out workaholic mom who never felt very comfortable just doing something simply because I enjoyed it and smile with relief that that outlook is from the past. Enjoyment is no longer just a coincidence. It's my motivation for everything.

They say people are motivated by two things: fear and desire. Fear may get me moving in the short term, but desire keeps me going for the long haul. My younger self would probably want to smack me now for my lowly ambitions, but with age comes an understanding and acceptance of what your real values are.

My husband (a self-proclaimed epicurean) has referenced this quote numerous times. I now concur with this approach to life.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO - What a Ride!"
-- Attributed to an octogenarian named Mavis Leyrer, of Seattle

I raise my hot cup of coffee and propose that we make a toast to life, to the discovery and pursuit of personal happiness in our daily existence as mothers, as women, and even just as individuals. Because everyone we love deserve to have happy people in their lives, and we deserve to be those people.