Oprah Features Susan Still's Shocking Abuse Story

Susan Still is a domestic violence survivor whose case is unique in several ways. Her former, husband, Ulner Lee Still, had one of their children videotape him beating Susan up. Her husband was convicted and sentenced to 36 years in prison, which was the longest term ever given in a domestic violence case.

Susan appeared on Oprah Winfrey's show on May 8, 2007 to share her horrendous story. I usually don't even want to watch these shows and, particularly on talk shows, because they generally have an air of voyeurism about them. At the same time they are patting the women on the back for finally having the courage to leave an abusive situation, they marvel at how the woman could end up so powerless to begin with. No one ever seems to be able to convey the answer. It reminds one of a line from "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" (Alexander Solzhenitsyn): "How can you expect a man who's warm to understand a man who's cold?"

Oprah said that she first became interested in the story when Diane Sawyer covered it on 20/20. Oprah wanted to do the show to make it a day when any woman who might be watching would be able to liberate herself from an abusive situation if she recognized any of the signs that were being discussed. Indeed, Susan Stills mentioned that she had seen a prior Oprah show on domestic violence but somehow was able to convince herself that it didn't apply to her situation.

Oprah asked Susan if she felt "superior" to women who were being beaten during the time that her own abuse was "only" verbal and emotional. Supposedly, there are no stupid questions, but if there were, that was one of them. It's a fact that many women who are caught up in domestic violence are made to feel stupid by the people they seek help from, even the police. You could see the difficulty that Susan Still was having on the Oprah show relating her story. Her eyes seemed to be pleading for the understanding that domestic violence victims seek instead of judgment, and often don't get.

Susan said that she knew Ulner Lee Still for some 10 years before they were married. After they were married, he steadily became more controlling and abusive, but the abuse was limited to verbal and emotional abuse for the first 12 years of their marriage. Then the beatings began.

The couple had 3 children. The oldest child is a girl who is estranged from her mother and actually testified on her father's behalf at the trial. The boys were age 13 and 8 at the time of the videotape incident in 2003. Ulner Still had his 13-year-old son videotape him cruelly berating Susan and repeatedly calling her "stupid" and a "heifer." The entire episode was triggered by a Susan innocently asking Ulner if he wanted some lunch.

Oprah played clips of the videotape throughout the show to illustrate points being discussed and the voyeurism factor did come into play when she asked Susan several times how she felt while she was being berated and beaten, and what she was thinking. How about scared, helpless and trapped? Anyone viewing the video could see that. Oprah was struck by the fact that Susan sat there most of the time perfectly still and didn't move or say anything unless she was told to. Susan said that her mind was racing and she was thinking hundreds of things. Then Oprah pretty much answered her own question by saying Susan was trying to protect herself by sitting there silently so as not to provoke Ulner enough to hit her.

After the videotape incident, Ulner called a "family meeting" where he forced his children to call their mother a "white ho slut." Susan said that this was the turning point for her. Fortunately, there was a better domestic violence program in place in her county and she had a sympathetic work supervisor. She was able to escape with her children with the help of her work supervisor who was also on the show. Ulner Lee's grip on Susan was such that he made her call him everywhere she went, and after the police were notified, they were also able to record phone calls Ulner made threatening to kill Susan.

Lisa Bloch Rodwin, chief of the Domestic Violence Bureau of the Erie County (New York) district attorney's office, who prosecuted the case, was also on Oprah. She told Oprah that she had never seen a defendant as arrogant and unrepentant as Ulner Lee Still. She said he flirted with the jury and displayed no remorse whatsoever. She further informed Oprah that the reason they were able to get such a long sentence in this case was because Ulner was charged with several felony assaults, as well as child endangerment. Mrs. Rodwin noted that every time Ulner picked something up and hit Susan with it, it was a felony assault.

Although it didn't come out on the show, I looked up Mrs. Rodwin online and learned that New York State has a streamlined system for dealing with domestic violence that has cut down significantly on re-offenders. The program assigns one judge to a family and the offender knows in advance that if he/she ends up in court again, it's going to be before the judge that heard the first case.

Susan said that she knew her children had been brainwashed and had to do whatever it took to survive in that situation, even if it meant siding with "the power." Oprah also spoke with Susan Still's children and will air a show on Wednesday, May 23, which will feature those interviews. She feels that anyone who thinks they are doing the right thing for their children by staying in an abusive relationship should watch this show.

Oprah said that she also tried to interview Ulner Lee Still, but he declined her request through his attorney. She said that she was going to try again because she would like to "get into his head."