Oregonians Can't Drive - Here's a Few Reasons Why

Californians like to say that Oregonians can't drive - while they consume the shrinking landscape and build their gaudy condos. So what do these effusive, egotistical, and maniacal Californians know? Had to say it, but on this one, they're actually on to something.

So, here's a handy lesson plan for Oregonian drivers:

1) Brakes are not a footrest.

There are at least two pedals in your car. The one to your left is not a handy little place for your tired dog to rest, or a convenient way to balance your lead foot with the semi you are about to crash into. No, that brake pedal is made to STOP.

So when you are corralling down a windy road, instead of riding your brakes into oblivion, SLOW DOWN. It is a simple concept, really: if you are going too fast, use the brake to slow your motion, and continue to drive at this pace. You do not need to push on the gas pedal repeatedly to move up three feet, because you will only be tempted to ride that left pedal time and time again.

Remember: You only need one pedal at a time.

2) Merging means move!

When you are approaching an intersection or merging into oncoming traffic into a merge lane, there is no need to stop for twenty seconds to see if you're in the clear. Merging means you are automatically in the clear; but you will need to pay attention when you change lanes. Which brings me to my next point:

3) Get in the "right" lane

Sometime ago some brilliant engineers decided to help smooth traffic flow by assigning a slow lane and fast lane. This is so the tortoises who like to saty ten miles under the limit do not inspire the wrath of road rage from someone trying to get somewhere at the legal limit.

So often you Oregonians seem to think it's fun to match the speed of the car to your right, oblivious to the racing BMW at your rear. Trust me, you do not wantto aggravate the Beamer driver; get in the right lane instead of lollygagging under the limit in the fast one.

4) Rain is not a roadblock

It rains in Oregon. A lot. So what's the big hang up when there's a little drizzle - especially when it's 80 degrees outside? Nearly every time the rain comes, some retard thinks the road is covered in sleet or hot oil, and proceeds to crawl along at an interminable pace. Accidents happen because people aren't paying attention to the speed limit.

Although it's understandable when it comes down hard, a little moisture in the air is not a red alert to ride that damn brake pedal again.