Orienting Myself: Sexual Orientation in the Twenty-First Century

A friend sent me an interesting article called Bi For Now, originally from New York magazine. I don't especially like the words "hasbian" or "LUG" but I suppose I know what type of women the author is talking about. What bothers me, though, is the suggestion that there are clearly-delineated groups here. I'll explain what I mean.

Some people think Anne Heche was heterosexual before she met Ellen DeGeneres; Anne may even have thought this herself. When Anne and Ellen were a couple, Anne was called a lesbian. (Ellen's sexuality was never questioned.) When the couple split up and Anne became romantically involved with a man, she was again called "straight." For a long time, I was the only person I know who suggested that hey - maybe she's bisexual! For reasons I have yet to figure out, nobody considered this possibility. It's quite possible that Anne did go from straight to lesbian to straight again, but why has the possibility of a bisexual nature been completely left out?

Amy Sohn's article allows for bisexuality, but still maintains some distinctions. Some of the women interviewed say they tried being bisexual, but it didn't work out. One woman, though, expresses my feelings very well. Gender is not a factor. For years now I have maintained that I care more about the person than what they keep in their pants. I have called this "peoplesexual" at times, simply because most people interpret my statement as admitting I'm bisexual. I definitely identify as a lesbian and a dyke, but I refuse to close my mind off to the possibility of a relationship with a man. I've even dated a couple of guys, back in high school and college. It just so happens that I feel more emotionally comfortable and better aligned with women than I do with men, and so it's likely that my partners will always be women. But if I were to meet a guy - I'm not single, but if I were - who was right for me, I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with him.

So there you have it. Yes, I would have a relationship with a man if he were the right person for me. If the right person for me was transgendered, that would be fine too. If the right person is a man, so be it. If the right person is a woman, so be it. Call me bisexual if you want to. Call me omnisexual, pansexual, peoplesexual, a slut, whatever. I prefer to identify myself as a lesbian, because in all the ways that count - politically, socially, emotionally, mentally, physically, happily - I am a lesbian. And after all, isn't it my self-identification that should matter to everyone else?