Osama bin Laden's Surprise Visit to America

In a whirlwind trip that came as a surprise to all but a handful of Al Qaeda aides, Osama bin Laden came to the United States yesterday for a face to face visit with a sleeper cell in Buffalo. There he pledged continuing Al Qaeda support for the jihad against the infidels.

In an effort to bolster the moral of the terrorist network and perhaps re-assert his role as the head of Al Qaeda, bin Laden wanted to get a face-to-face report on how one of his terror squads is holding up so far from home and to remind them that he stands with them.

"I've come to not only look you in the eye," bin Laden told sleeper cell leader Mohammed al-Sid, "I also come to tell you that our sacred jihad remains our reason for being."

"I thank you all very much for your service to our faith. Your sacrifice is noble and your sacrifice is important," he added, which was received enthusiastically by the other five guys in the cell.

Al-Sid was able to relate some of the hardships of living in the land of the Great Satan. "With gas prices so high, it is hard to get a decent car bomb going. Also, the cable service keeps going out."

Bin Laden, who was already on his way home by the time the press was notified, arrived in Buffalo yesterday morning. The trip was planned over the past month by a small group of Al Qaeda aides described as a "very, very close circle of loyal fanatics."

The six-hour visit to the US began the night before when bin Laden told followers that he was tired and going back to his cave. In fact he boarded his jet, Taliban One, and flew to Buffalo, New York.

He was greeted warmly, although these terrorists-in-training only were made aware of the visit moments before bin Laden entered the room. He shook hands with the leader Mohammed al-Sid, telling him, "You're doing a hell of a job, Mohammy." Since we don't know of anything al-Sid has actually done, we're not sure what to make of that. Bin Laden next inspected the sleeper cell's collection of electrical wires, kitchen timers and fertilizer pronouncing them "satisfactory." Then he was gone as quickly as he came.

Mohammed al-Sid said it was the most exciting day he's had since he snuck into the country through Mexico last year. "I have to admit, everyone was a little bummed out by the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. But Osama's visit has been a major shot in the arm for us."

Aides for bin Laden report that the terrorist got a real feel for the entire nation, it's politics, people and society in the six hour super-secret visit to an obscure safe house located in the warehouse district of Buffalo, NY. His aides also stated that after meeting with one cell for a couple of minutes, bin Laden feels better in touch with his terrorist network.

This was bin Laden's first visit to the US since he was here in the 1980s to buy some weapons.

Repercussions from the surprise visit are unknown, although terrorist experts are expecting bin Laden to release a video clip showing highlights of the trip on the Internet, as well as a DVD containing many extras.