Our 6-Year Old is Not Potty-Trained
Let me start by saying that my son is a normal, happy, wonderful 6-year-old. He is doing great in kindergarten, he is very compassionate with other children, and he listens well (most of the time, anyway). He is a bright spot in my life and is an amazingly smart boy. Yes, I know I'm a little bit biased here, but I just needed to paint the picture of a well-adjusted, happy-go-lucky little boy. If it weren't for his potty issue, he wouldn't have a care in the world.
So what is his potty issue, then? Is it simply potty-training gone awry? Lazy parenting? No...it is a condition called Encopresis. Ever heard of it? We hadn't, at least until a couple of months ago.
My husband and I had thought, for the last 2 years, that our son had just been stubborn about using the potty. He was fully trained for urinating in the potty, but as far as bowel movements go, he just wouldn't go in the potty. There had been about a 2-week period back when he was almost 4 years old when he had used the potty for BM's--so, in our minds, that proved to us that he was capable of doing it. Every day, though, he had at least a couple of 'accidents.' Every day he had to change clothes a couple of times because he had soiled himself. We were quite frustrated by the whole thing, frankly.
Thinking that our son was just not willing to use the potty, we dreamed up all kinds of tactics to try to encourage him--we tried reward systems, we tried taking away his favorite toys, we tried buying him new underwear that he really liked. We tried just about everything under the sun--if you have thought about it, we have tried it, believe me. Nothing worked.
Every time we took our son in to see the pediatrician for anything, regardless of the reason, I always mentioned how he was still having this potty issue. And, the pediatrician shrugged it off every single time, saying it was a phase and to try adding more fiber and prune juice into our son's diet. So, trusting souls that we were, that's what we did. We went home, added the prune juice and increased the fiber in his diet, and continued trying various potty-training tactics.
Of course, this whole time our son was quite frustrated and upset by the whole issue as well. He kept telling us that he couldn't help it, that he didn't know why he was doing it, things like that. But since we believed our pediatrician and thought that this was a phase of his potty-training, we lectured him and took away privileges. During the two years we went on like this, our son's younger brother became completely potty-trained--something which further cemented in our minds that our older son was just being stubborn. After all, if his younger brother could do it, why couldn't he? We were careful not to speak about this to him, but we could tell it upset him nonetheless.
Due to an unrelated issue, I had been seeing a therapist during this time. I happened to mention the problem our son was having with the potty, and she said that it sounded like it could be Encopresis to her. I had no idea what that was, so she explained. Basically, it is a condition in which a child (more commonly boys) after the age of 4 soils himself two or more times a week due to chronic constipation. Apparently the condition is brought on when a child gets constipated and it hurts to use the potty. So, the next time they need to use the potty, they think that it is going to hurt again, and they try to hold it in again and again. Eventually this causes an impaction in the bowel and leakage (the soiling) starts to occur around the impaction. It gets to the point where the child cannot control the leakage and does not even realize at times that it is happening. The condition is curable, but can take up to a year or two to get the bowel back in shape.
I was flabbergasted. There was an actual physical reason why our son was having this problem! At my therapist's suggestion, I immediately made an appointment with a child counselor to help our son with the emotional aspects of this condition. We also immediately switched to a different pediatrician, a much better one. I am still very angry with the previous pediatrician for not noticing this condition...it seems to me that if my therapist (who is not medically trained, by the way) knew about this condition, certain a pediatrician should have! And if he had noticed the problem, we could have begun treating it much sooner...
Our son is still dealing with this problem, and likely will be for at least the next year or so. He has to take strong medicine every night to try to get his bowels trained to go at a certain time so that he can avoid having the leakage problems. But, he still has many accidents. This week he had to come home early from school because of an accident. And, one day when we were out shopping we had to return home twice to clean him up. This is definitely not easy...but, it is easier since we know the reason for the problem.
Thankfully, our son is not getting teased at school or in the neighborhood about this. I think that the other children do not quite realize when he has an accident sometimes since his soiling is not usually very extreme--perhaps they think he has simply passed gas (which, at his age, is a source of comedy among children). But, by seeing a child counselor we are taking proactive measures in case teasing ever becomes an issue. The counselor has also been very helpful in assisting our son in relaxing about the potty--after two years of this problem, he has developed quite a lot of anxiety about using the potty.
As for me and my husband, though, we still feel pretty guilty. For two years we were treating this as a potty-training issue, taking away privileges when our son soiled himself instead of getting to the potty. It feels horrible to know that he couldn't help it, to know that it was a physical problem beyond his control. Yes, we couldn't have known, since neither my husband nor myself are doctors. But we still feel as if we treated him unfairly that whole time, because we did. Hopefully, though, we can all now move on and get this problem solved.
Published by Michelle Robinson
As a freelance writer, Michelle Robinson has written on a variety of topics over the years; however, her current goal is to write about family,fun children's activities, and frugal parenting. She has a blog... View profile
- Prepare Yourself and Your Child for the Potty Training Challenge Once your toddler is ready for potty training, there are a few things you can do to make the process easier on you and your child.
- Positive Reinforcement in Potty Training There is nothing worse than having your child suffer a potty training regression. Don't despair, however. Your child will learn when s/he is ready and, in the meantime, you can encourage this through the use of reward...
- Is Your Child Ready to Be Potty Trained? I have five children ages between 1 and 10 so potty training has been an issue and I am surprised how much pressure there is to have your child potty trained in certain age.
-
My 10 Month Old Potty Trained Me
My infant wouldn't potty in her diaper, so I had to figure how to potty train her on my own. Now I am sharing my story in case others find themselves in the same situation.
- Potty Training a Three Year Old One mom finds potty training success with patience and financial concepts. And patience.
- How I Potty Trained My Daughter
- Potty Training Your Child: What Works
- Potty Training Your Child
- Is Your 3 Year Old Plus Not Potty Trained Yet?
- 9 Potty Training Tips for Your Puppy Dog
- Tips on Potty Training Productively
- Potty Training by Age One is the Wave of the Future for American Parents - Some Ca...
|
|
26 Comments
Post a CommentOk. Well let me try this. Im 15 right now and from what I heard from my parents they started potty training me at about almost 4. I got the hang of it quickly but never fully got used to it. I wasnt fully out of diapers during the day until i was in first grade. My parents stayed on top of it and did everything they could but unfortunatly the damage was already done. Many dont know this statistic but 90% of kids potty trained after 4 1/2 years old grow an attatchment to those diapers. The attatchment doesnt fully go away during school age but when they hit puberty around 11- 15 their mind goes insane with wild ideas. I didnt realize my attachment to diapers until I was 13. I was playing a video game and I felt like going to the bathroom but got too attached to the game and just pooped my pants and carried on throught the night like nothing happened.
Now, I know what your thinking. Ewwww, thats terrible. Worse case scenario that this does happen it may have an impact on your childs social behavior. I am an eerily quiet 15 year old because I never developed socially. I have friends but I always embarrass myself by saying stupid things or getting off topic.
If you relize what Im saying is true when they get to that age then dont confront them with care and concern or even put your foot down. All you can do is leave it alone. The more you confront them the more rejected and not loved they will feel.
I cant imagine how terrible and embarrased I would feel if my parents came to me and told me they know about my love for diapers. I would just break into pieces as my world just falls apart in the blink of an eye.
You may know some rumors about Diaper lovers, Adult Babies and Teen babies.
I myself am a diaper lover. The exact definition says that we are "SExually" attracted to diapers but I m not sure if that is true.
I like the feel of diapers because it takes away that bit of responsiblilty of going to the bathroom. I dont mind changing the mess because it makes me feel young again even thought I still have my youth its still not good enough.
Just keep this in mind 10 years from now.
My name is danielle And i read this and took my son to the doctor and he said the same thing to .Thank you because i 'am a single parent and trying to potty train a boy is hard and he has other things going on with that i can't help like his speech ,andthaty alone was hard on plus the potting but since i read this it help be more understanding to my son at times its still hard . so thank you you for shareing your story because of it i was able to helpmy child and be more understanding.Thank god for people sare there story to help others May god bless you and yours
agreewholeheartedlywithJohnofaboutayearago.IwasahippyduringthatpartoflifeandeverythingwasfreeandbutterflysWellasatherapistthisjustintroducesakidtoIcandowhatiwabteneniwantNiceresume!!!
For all the people who have commented who are struggling with children who have this same issue, please consider checking out this website: http://www.encopresis.com/. I found a solution for my son's Encopresis on this site. BTW--I am not affiliated in any way with this website...I am just trying to share what worked for my son.
My son is 31/2 y/o and not potty train yet. My problem is he doesn't want to use the potty. He used underwear in school and at home. He ask for diaper if wants to pee or poop. He never makes pee or poop in his underwear. If he makes pee before he take bath at 7:00 PM, he's not going to pee the whole night, the next pee is in the morning he ask for diapers. Is this normal for my boy?
Encopresis and Enuresis is very often NOT due to any sort of medical condition, but rather stress, conditioning, acting out behavior and a response to percieved trauma. If you do not have success with a particular therapist, find another psychologist that can yield a better success.
my son is 6 and still wears diapers! its a pain but will get over it
the only problem i see is society kids train when they want to train forcing them is not the answer nether is taking away disposible diapers i see nothing wrong with kids that want to wear diapers it could be their security blanket who knows but society makes it hard for anybody whether it be parents or child let them grow up at their own rate not because somebody tells you it's wrong they are your kids let them be happy no matter what the case may be everybody likes to babied from time to time dont lie cause you do too and kids these days only make fun because of parents who tell their kids diapers are only for babies which make it hard on kid who do need diapers for whatever reasons if the simple minded parents would quit making stupid comments like that to their kids they would not be laughing at kids that need them JUST LET THE KIDS BE KIDS WHAT IS THE RUSH YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am very thankful for this article. I hope my son's appointment in a few weeks will help.
As for John's comment... I agree that there is a huge problem with the diaper industry. But, it isn't the only problem. My son only used homemade cloth diapers... which is supposed to help speed up potty training.
Anyway, I hope we all have poop-free days!
godamnit dont any of you know its those cotton absorbing diapers that are the problem?! pullups,huggies,everything that absorbs piss and crap comfortably is going to make it impossible to train kids. Were living in generations where kids are beginning to take longer to train. Get rid of the absrobant diaper, kids love the feeling of pissing themselves. give a shout out if you think diapers that are absorbunt should be band, anyone?