Our Baby's Monkey-Like Behavior: A True Parenting Story

While you were probably sleeping this morning my wife arose a little before 5 a.m. to get moving. I followed not long after (OK, I'm lazy. Maybe 6 a.m.)

While she got lunches ready, she left Sofia (our 1 year old) in a the crib with a bottle of milk, some stuffed animals, etc.. While she jumped in the shower, I stepped out to catch a smoke in the quiet outdoors (having children makes you appreciate both quiet moments and cigarettes (vodka and wine as well, but it was a tad too early for that)...But I digress... While puffing away, I heard baby girl having the time of her life, jumping around, talking to her stuffed animals...or so I thought...

The water in the shower turns off, I of course, light up another. (did I mention that peace and quiet thing) Just as I thumbed the lighter, I hear a loud shriek!!!! Being so quick and nimble, and in such great shape, I popped up like toast (OK, more like a buttered roll with a bad limp) thinking maybe the wife had fallen or something was wrong with the baby. Walking though the door, I hear "BEN!!!!", (which usually means I'm in trouble for some infraction of those married rules like leaving your shoes in the middle of a doorway, or that toilet seat up/down deal)....

Upon reaching the area of concern, I see her in the doorway of the baby's room with a look of horror on her face. I hear Sofia laughing her butt off, so I'm wondering what could be so bad??...

You see, it turns out that babies don't have a problem with, and I guess find it quit amusing when their diaper comes off and they poop all over the crib. But why would a 1 year old stop there? She thought it would be great fun for mommy and daddy to clean it off of the walls, the floor, her comforter, her Minnie Mouse baby doll and her favorite talking Elmo thing (.....I mean, how do you poop on Elmo? It's Elmo for the love of God!!!). Just about everywhere in a 5 foot radius of the crib was soiled. As we hurried in and approached her, the amount of stuff flying around, made me think I was going near the monkey cage at the zoo.....Kate took her to the bath and I got the job of cleaning the room...I'm not sure which one of us had the worse task.....

That's just not stuff that's in the parenting books...It's just not one of those things that should happen to anyone, let alone before 6 in the morning. So just remember that if you are running late, you're stuck in traffic, your train is packed....your morning could be worse....