Our Journey Through Struggling and Homelessness

There are many reasons why I am writing this. Mostly I think it is because when I write things about my life, it's as if I am putting closure to them. A journey into a ministry or a journey with the Lord is never ending. However, the pain that comes with it, will come to an end, because this is a journey with the Lord. All things of the Lord are good.

Though my feet may be sore and my legs, weary, my heart remains strong as my hand clenches His.

My Divorce

When I decided in my heart and in my mind to end my marriage in February 2007, I knew that it would be a long and painful ordeal. For many years I put it off because of that. Deciding this was one of the hardest things that I had to do, but I knew it would be for the better in the long run. I said all that to say that this is the beginning of my journey.

The separation was brutal. It was hard for my kids. I could go into heart wrenching details, but that is not necessary. I have always tried to teach them not to be mad or bitter, but some people need a lot of prayer. One day it will be better.

In August of 2008, my divorce was final. From then on I walked through the desert of my journey.

Financial Burdens and Drama

At first, right after the separation in May 2007, everything was good. I worked a job in Shreveport, making about $1600 a month and plus at that time I was getting child support of $1000 per month. In about November or December of 2007, I received a phone call while driving home from work that my kids' dad was in jail. His girlfriend needed me to bail him, and I did because I didn't want him to lose his job.

This started a landslide of problems, from getting him to see the kids, his girlfriend wanting personal relationship tip for problems, not to mention the fact that he wasn't paying child support. He did the first couple of months of the separation.

Our life began to get dryer, because I was forced to quit my job due to sitter problems. In the four months that I worked there, my kids had 5 sitters. I was working 13 hour shifts, plus driving an hour one way. Needless to say, it took it's toll on us all.

I was appreciative of the ghostwriter job that was offered to me, as it was the only thing that I did that year, besides me starting as a substitute teacher in August. The year of 2008, my family grossed $4,199. Just over $2000 of that was from my ghostwriter position.

The ghostwriter job lasted for a year and I decided that I had to do something besides just being a substitute. Making $55 a day was ok, but I knew that I wanted to make more. Not to mention, it was hard to write when the kids were home and I wanted to push my writing full force.

I was in bad financial shape. I struggled to keep my car and thanks to my dad, I have managed to hold on to it. In December of 2008, I got the unction to start a cleaning business. I knew that there wasn't much competition here and that there is bound to be a few people who would need me on a weekly basis. I knew that it could grow and it has.

Like any business, it has been slow in coming but it is getting there. I can't complain about making about $900 and working only 40 hours a month for it. However, I do know that making $900 a month would not support my kids and I. I continued to sub for the school and gain clientele, little by little.

Spiritual Stress and Self Imagine Nose Dive

From the summer of 2008 to about March of 2009, my spirituality took a nose dive. The enemy was attacking me on all sides. It was one thing right after the other. I was in a never ending anxiety attack, that continued to worsen. My dad even called the emergency room from Arizona, mind you, to come and check on me. There was a time when my sons were being attacked by the enemy of witchcraft. If financial burdens weren't bad enough, the enemy was mad about something, obviously. By this time, I was extremely drained, like I was lost in the desert with no water.

I had lost confidence in many things. I knew that I had to maintain the business the best I could because I needed to be home every day when the kids got home. It was very important to me. I believe that this was the lowest time of my life. By this time, my kids' dad stopped coming around and child support was long gone. He had been in and out of jail, without a trace.

Homeless

April 4, 2009 I awoke to a note stating that I had four days to move out of the house that we had lived in for the past 6 years. I was kind of surprised as the reality sank in. I managed to get most of our things out and into a storage building. From there we just stayed with my grandmother for a month. She made us leave and we moved into our church Sunday school class from about the end of May to January.

Why Lord?

We had visited Cincinnati that March 2009 and for the past few years I have felt a very strong desire to move there. I never knew why. I never knew how, but I do know that there is a reason. As I lie in bed, I would question the Lord why we were homeless. I wanted to move so bad, just to be told that it wasn't time yet or it wasn't in God's will. I mean I could've moved home to Arizona where I know my parents would have taken us in and helped. I could have moved to Michigan where I have family. Instead I was in a Sunday school class, virtually homeless with my three kids. The fellowship hall was my kitchen and dining room. We had to spend our summer at the lake, just so we can take a warm shower after swimming. Not saying that it is bad, just saying that is what we went through, but why?

I felt the desire to go back and visit Cincinnati again in October 2009. The kids and I did and this time we visited a church. I know that I felt the Lord telling us to stay but I questioned Him, "where will we go"?

Now I Know the Answer

Sometimes we are actually living right in our answer. When I came home back in October, I knew then and there that the Lord was telling me that I was going to be an active part in outreach and homeless ministry. That was my answer. This is why I am homeless? Absolutely!

That is why I always try to tell everyone that whatever they are going through, the Lord wants to pull them through so that they can help others. I tell them to count it joy that the Lord chose them to use for helping others.

I know in my heart that homeless ministry is where I belong.

Those many months of homelessness was to bring me through for greater things. I feel humbled and grateful that the Lord brought me through such a horrendous journey, so that I can help others.

I believe that one day I will be running a homeless shelter in Cincinnati. I have had dreams of this and have seen visions. So coming out of the desert, I can see the sun kissed stream in the distance.

Let's see where this journey will take us to next...