Our Parents, Were We Blessed or Cursed?

Some parents became parents by mistake, not because they wanted to. It was not a planned event.

If one or both parents did not want the child, they may subconsciously blame the child for interrupting their career path, job prospects, education, or whatever they wanted to pursue. Their demeanor toward the child may be less than loving. The child may or may not notice. Some children are very impressionable at an early age, and it will surely affect them.

If that's the case, the children grow up believing they are somehow bad, and thus not lovable. They will subconsciously blame themselves for their parent's seeming dissatisfaction and indifference towards them, all the while not sure why. Having to tiptoe around your parents, telling them what they want to hear, and acting accordingly, is a hard cross to bear. They may become people pleasers, doing anything to get their parent's approval, at a time when they should be concentrating on their schoolwork, and enjoying their free time.

This puts the child in an emotional straitjacket that will cripple them into adulthood, and beyond. If taken to an extreme, it will lead to hopelessness, and even insanity or suicide. Children with low self esteem are often targets of bullying, or their great need to be accepted will drive them into the wrong crowd.

A concerned parent or relative will recognize this and take them to therapy, or at least advise them. This could be enough to shock them into getting off the wrong track. The child will then see his situation in a new light, recognizing there's nothing wrong with the way he is, and develop an emotional buffer that will let him understand the family dynamics, and how it affects him. This journey could be difficult and will take time.

So many grow up into immature, emotionally stunted adults, still hoping that someday, their parents will love and be close to them. It's a sad, needless way to waste their precious lives.