Over Medicating Young Women

I would love to see a show that features the over medicating of young women. I am a 24 year old woman whose life has been put on hold since graduating from the Culinary Institute of America. It started out with a thyroid level about 50 points lower than it should have been. Then they discovered that I had a dermoid tumor on one of my ovaries. After four surgeries in one year I went from promising pastry chef, to someone who was completely overcome by depression and anxiety. In the three years since I have only been able to work intermittently and am now on disability due to my anxiety, depression, and recently diagnosed PMDD. I blame a lot of my fears on being over medicated.

After the surgeries I went through a very bad period of depression and anxiety/ panic attacks. After losing my insurance from a job that I had to quit, my one antidepressant medications was switched to a generic. Within three days I was suicidal. After a two week stay in a partial hospital program I was sent home to go about and find my own new therapists and prescribers. This was not an easy task due to the lack of doctors who took my insurance and the waiting lists of up to three months.

I finally found a clinic that took my insurance, but was quickly put on more medications then I can remember. There were ones that would help me sleep, ones that would wake me up, ones that would control my anxiety, ones that would control my depression, and even one that was supposed to help me keep the weight off from the other medications.

I was working at a Whole Foods at this point and they do not provide ANY mental health care, so most of my paycheck went to the pharmacy. No one can survive on so many pills for long, so my panic started really having an effect on my job performance. I was constantly light headed and dizzy. I had to miss days of work due to these problems. During this time I was also having stomach problems and heart palpitations. One day last December I went to the store manager with a note saying that I would have to miss the next two days due to an emergency colonoscopy. I was let go for "missing three days in two months". I always had a doctor's note, and did what was asked of me- even when it involved picking up fifty pound frozen items when my doctor told me that five pounds was my limit due to costochondritis.

So here I am- a twenty three year old on disability due to depression and anxiety- two very common and treatable illnesses. Yes, I had other illnesses, but the ones that kept me from work were anxiety and depression.

When I lost my job I decided to try a more knowledgeable doctor to take over my case. This was quite possibly the worst mistake I have ever made. Not only did this new one increase the doses on the psych drugs I was already taking, but also gave me even more to add to my cocktail. Needless to say, I was given one (Gabapentin) that I had yet another bad reaction too. This time I called up my prescriber right away and was told that it was "probably just your (my) period". I then told my therapist that I was not quite feeling right, again I was told not to be concerned. About two weeks after taking the first pill I became completely delusional. I was convinced that I had killed my fiancé's uncle just by thinking about it. The man had a brain tumor and was very ill at the time, but I was convinced that it was my fault. Then I started believing that I had caused the death of a pop star in 2001, and that soon I was going to be murdered. My parents took me to the prescriber who had given me the medications and I started having a panic attack in the office. An ambulance was called and I was put on suicide watch at the hospital for six hours. It was during this time that it was discovered that it was a severe reaction to the drug. At this point I was on Lexapro, Topamax, Gabapentin, Klolopin, Ativan, and Trazadone, along with Vicodin, which I take for pain, and a thyroid medication. While at the hospital it was decided that I should do another two week outpatient program at McLean hospital, of Girl, Interrupted fame.

I took those two weeks as cleansing weeks and weaned myself off of every psych medication. It was hard going between manic states and depressed states often within minutes of each other. It took three months to rid my body of the Lexapro. I have read that it is similar to detoxing from heroin. Night sweats, "brain shocks", heart palpations, not being able to get out of bed, nausea, and pain that ripped through my body and took hold of my life. The whole ordeal lasted about three months, and I cannot imagine a worse hell. Words cannot describe the physical and emotional pain I was in. After the whole ordeal I was talking to my prescriber about going back on anti depressants, but only trying one at a time. She referred to my withdrawal as a "med vacation". Vacation is not the word I would have used.

Just yesterday I met with a new prescriber. I told him that I was recently diagnosed with PMDD and was wondering what route would be the best to take- birth control or psych meds. Even though I told him about my bad reactions to drugs in the past and reluctance to go back on anything unnecessary I walked out of his office with five prescriptions in hand. One of which was for Lexapro- the one I went into detail with him about and how I never wanted to be on such a strong drug again. His advice? "Just don't ever come off it and you won't have withdrawals".

That is my story, in a nutshell. Of course, there is much more that has and still is going on, but that is the meat of it. I recently wrote Glamour magazine a quick paragraph that they may add to January's issue. I feel as though because there is such a stigma surrounding depression, especially when it involves young women, that no one is talking about it. I know that I am not the only young woman who has been over medicated to the point of hospitalization. I also feel that it is also my duty to warn others about the hidden side effects of these disorders. The crying, screaming, rage filled nights and the mornings when even looking out the window of my apartment can cause me to feel so strangled with anxiety that all I can do is go back to bed and pray that tomorrow will be better. Companies need to realize that "mental issues" are physical and that they need to have just as much coverage as any other type of injury would receive. Just because my illness it unnoticeable just by looking at me does not mean that it is not real. It is very real. It is in fact, the most "real" thing I know.