Overcoming the Death of a Loved One

The death of a loved one should not have to be an immobilizing event in one's life. Although, one needs time to grieve and move on we should not just move one but do something to improve ourselves. Life is meant to be enjoyed and a time to learn about yourself and do things great. How can you do any of that if you are so depressed over the death of a loved one? Regardless, of what you believe you should understand that; that deceased person would want you to move on with life and to not be held back.

I. Brief Explanation of the Grieving Process

There are four parts to the grieving process that should be allowed to follow course. They are Shock, Yearning, Disorientation, and Resolution. Again each must be fulfilled and completed in a certain amount of time if you do not you may end up suffering from Nostalgia.

In the Shock stage, there are feelings of being stunned associated with impaired judgment and functioning and short periods of concentration. During this stage they may be unable to listen or feel.

In the Yearning stage, The person exhibiting this particular process of grief may be restless, angry, guilty, and have ambiguity which means the person is doubtful or uncertain about what is going on in his/her life. Usually, people want to withdraw and be left alone. They may question what they believe about certain things and are so moved by the loss they may change there views on life.

In the Disorientation stage, Feelings associated with this are depression, guilt and unfamiliarity. This is the time when the illness or death becomes a "reality." People effected may start to change there own lifestyle that is more likely than not too unhealthy for themselves and others.

The final stage is the Resolution stage, There is increased energy, as well as heightened decision-making abilities along with an increased sense of self-confidence. This is the time of acknowledgement and bringing reality into focus. Although no one ever gets over the loss, a person gets through the process. The intensity of these stages of grief change over time. The intensity within each stage rises and falls throughout the first two years following the loss, and it is also clear that the stages overlap. The resolution stage is one of the important stages to make change for the best.

During any course however, one might experience protective mechanisms which may sometimes be placed within the person who is mourning in order to protect themselves from going through the process of grief. One of those is denial - blocking the conscious recognition of specific information; disbelief - not making sense of what is being told them; deferral - accepting the clinical findings of a loss, but ignoring the implications; dismissal - displacing the focus of the situation from the diagnoses to the legitimacy of the person whom they feel may be lying to them. There would be a lot of anger and sense of betrayal. It is important to get over these protective mechanisms in order to move on more quickly through the process. This is where nostalgia could potential set in during the protective mechanisms.

II. Why You Should NOT Become Nostalgic

To be nostalgic is to be quite essentially half the way to be dead. Nostalgia is living or longing for the past. It is very important to not suffer from nostalgia because, if you do you become ignorant to current issues and problems in your life and those life's around you that you care about. Remember that ignorance is bliss and if you stay ignorant you are in a selfish blissful state and it become very hard to leave. Prevention is best medicine with nostalgia.

It is important to also not suffer from nostalgia because; if you do you may never get over any loss what so ever. The past happened and is gone from the present and is dead. You need to ask yourself "Are you part of the Past or Do I want to live for today?"A nostalgic sufferer who wishes to life for yesterday would say the former. While a nostalgic sufferer who seeks to move on or a healthy person would say the latter.

III. My Own Experience

I remember growing up during childhood living very close to everyone in my family. They where great years and the best times with family. I recall myself being however, very shy and reserved and because, of that had few friends. I was also very naïve even while in my first two years of high school as I did not experience much and physically I was thin and inactive. Than in 2004 both my grandfathers passed away 6 months apart and were in the hospital for three weeks.

I was really awakened to this sad tragedy I experienced and learned something through the death of both my grandfathers. It was "To truly enjoy life while it lasted because, sooner or latter it ends and your number will be up." Through this experience and through there deaths even though I grieved I sought to change myself for the better, it was one week after the death of my second grandfather in first week of November I decided to change myself. I sought to change many aspects of myself.

The first aspect was social aspect. I was shy and reserved not that it was a problem but I sought to make more friends because, I had few. This is not to say I wanted to be popular. No, I wanted true friendships, really good friendships. Over the course of two years I had done just that. I had more friends because, I was more outgoing and less reserved. People saw me as a funny guy and a true friend to be around. Through that I made a lot of friends and found myself in many circles of friendships and not just one or two but many. This in part taught me the value true friendship and good will and the power of individuality.

The next aspect to change was my naïve and somewhat inexperienced self that did not know much and could not do much to help out people. This was not to say I wanted everyone in the world to look to me to fix there problems. I wanted wisdom of experience. So I changed got friends and experienced a lot through them and through them experienced a lot of social issues that plague both my friends and family today. This uncovered the veil of ignorance over me and because, of that was no longer naïve. So in part this changed aspect taught me to value truth and awareness.

The final part I had sought to bring change was my thin and inactive lifestyle. I played video games and was on the computer a lot! I rarely played with anyone but the computer it was pretty pitiful! I sought to make myself stronger and healthier in mind and body. Again, not to say that I wanted to be perfect or some nerd, jock, or even to get noticed by people, I just wanted to be healthier in my lifestyle. So I changed I got weights and workout. I was more dedicated to improving myself than entertaining myself. I work hard at what I had done and enjoyed doing it! This in part taught me the value of Self-worth and control.

IV. Lessons From The Experience

So what have you learned through my own experiences? Well, for one you can learn through this and even your own experience to take advantage of a disadvantage by taking all the emotional charge around negative events and use that charge to better yourself.

So how would you better yourself? You should better yourself by doing things that will positively affect you. For example, you could overcome a fear, do something new, changing your lifestyle a bit. How do you change your lifestyle? Well look at me I did it by doing everything I thought I would never do some seven years ago. As I sit and write this essay out I realize that all my actions are and yet are not just reactions of nostalgia and that all my changes while beneficial were just the reactions of nostalgia to create the past in the present and yet, I needed a big event in my life to create a better life for myself.

The past happened and you never happened you always are in the now always and forever. Thus through that thought the power of now should be used to create your life and that you should live for today. Unfortunately, you live and I live in past thoughts and actions. The same goes for the future. The future never comes because; when it does come it becomes the now. Through that logic, once you change those thoughts and actions you change the course of your future.