Overcoming Your Depression

As a teenager I was diagnosed with major depression. Many people may say that all teens go through depression but that's not true. Some of the people around me accused me of making it up to get attention. These people included psychologists and my own mother! Needless to say, without any support system that only made things worse. I was put on Paxil, an antidepressant medication which I stopped taking after around 3 months because I didn't feel like it was helping me. After seeing numerous psychiatrists and psychologist, most of whom mocked me to my face and made it seem as if I was just a teen starved for attention, I quit going to professional therapy which only angered my mother even more.

What I didn't understand then, and I still don't understand to this day is why people accused me of faking depression to get attention. I have never been an attention seeker. In fact, I shy away from most attention that is thrown my way. I wasn't a rebellious teen who drank or did drugs. I never ran away or got into any trouble. I was an honor student and an athlete who loved listening to music and writing poetry. Those who knew me always spoke very highly of me and told my mother she should be very proud. I guess when my depression got so severe that I quit going to school and had to seek professional help, it was too much for her to deal with. She was embarrassed of me and although those exact words didn't come out of her mouth, her actions towards me showed it.

So what was it that caused my depression? I'd say it was a number of things. I was never completely a happy person but I hadn't really been depressed either. Some of it was attributed to typical adolescent stuff such as going through puberty, being unhappy with the way I looked and with my personality. However, some of the other reasons for my depression I couldn't explain. Perhaps my lack of an explanation is what caused certain people to think I was faking. One of the major shocks was the lack of professional decorum of the so called professional psychiatrist and psychologists I went to see. A couple of them seemed to genuinely believe me and want to help but there were several who basically told my mom I was lying and just didn't want to go to school which was not true at all. There were days when just getting out of bed and getting dressed were hard for me to do. I lost interest in all of the activities I used to enjoy. All of my poems were about death, dying, suicidal thoughts, and just the complete darkness I experienced during my depression. I lost weight, secluded myself from family and friends, and basically tried to hide from the world. I had no place I could go to be alone and I felt as if I had no one to talk to but God and during those times I felt as even my prayers weren't being heard. From the time I was diagnosed at the age of 15 until about the age of 18 or 19, my depression was at its most severe state. I would self harm to try to deal with the pain on the inside. While I did finish school on time, I felt as if I had no future and dropped out of college just a couple of months after I'd enrolled. I believe my lack of a positive support system was part of the reason my depression lasted as long as it did.

So what did I do to crawl out of the darkest pit of despair? Well I did several things. First, I researched all I could about depression so that I could learn as much as I could about this disease that was afflicting me. I learned that as a teen, I was not alone in my battle with depression. Millions of Americans suffer from depressive illnesses and a large percentage is made up of teens. Each year 500,000 teens attempt suicide as a result of their depressive illness and 5,000 of them succeed. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-25 year olds. With these statistics, I'm sure these young people aren't faking their depression or depression related illnesses as I was once accused of doing. This is a serious issue among young people and for others to write it off as being nothing but a cry for attention is a dangerous thing to do. If people want to ignore the problem and make a mockery out of the victims, these numbers will most likely increase because like me, these depressed young people will feel as if they have nowhere to turn.

While my experience with therapy and medication was not a good one, some people actually benefit from one or both of these forms of treatment. I chose to try to focus on things that would make me happy in order to bring some joy to my life. Since music has always been a love of mine, I listened to music all the time. I tried not to play any sad or depressing music and played more upbeat or positive songs. Music was very therapeutic for me because I felt as if many songs were describing some part of how I felt and it gave me hope that someone once felt similar to how I did but they had overcome it. Another thing I did was draw. Drawing had always been a hobby of mine and in order to occupy my time I would focus on drawing. In researching depression, I read that it helps you to feel better if you stay physically active so I began exercising regularly. I noticed that this did give me more energy and I was no longer so sluggish during the day. I continued to write poetry and even if I wasn't feeling happy at the time, I'd write poems about feeling how I wanted to feel or I'd read poems that were lively and uplifting. Maybe you don't like drawing or writing poetry but perhaps you like skateboarding, or bike riding, or playing sports and all of these things can help you as well.

During the times when I would start feeling suicidal, I'd write it down in my journal. Research has shown that teen depression almost always leads to suicidal thoughts. Much of my battle out of depression was won by my will to overcome it and not let it defeat me. Even though there were many times when I didn't think I had a reason to live, something deep inside of me told me that I did. Otherwise I wouldn't have sought help when I was feeling depressed. Although I am much better than I was during what I call "the dark years," I still have my ups and downs and sometimes I can feel myself spiraling back down into that dark tunnel of depression. When these times come, I pray, I listen to music, I write, exercise, or I'll watch a movie or try to do something to take my mind off of it. I believe I am fighting an uphill battle. If it wasn't for me believing in myself and keeping my faith when I was alone and depressed, I don't believe I would be here today.

I would encourage parents of young people who are depressed to listen to them. Don't let some doctor tell you that your child is just lying to get attention. That is almost never the case. Depression is a serious disease and many people die as a result of it because they didn't get the proper treatment or they didn't feel like they could talk to anyone who would understand. Even if you don't understand, you can listen and offer to help. Work with them, not against them and try to get them the best treatment possible. Criticizing them will only destroy their self esteem and sense of hope even further. Communicate with them and let them know that there are options and treatments available to help them. If you notice changes in your child's behavior you should talk to them and get them help immediately. Like any other illness, depression takes time to get over and some people never completely get over it. People who are suffering from any depressive illness need support and they need to get helped as soon as possible before their negative and depressed feelings escalate. I used to think that perhaps my life was cursed for me going through such dark times, but now I would like to believe that maybe my experiences can put me in a position to help someone else who is going through the same thing I once went through.