Overcoming the Downsides to Being a Stay at Home Mom (or Dad)

Being a stay-at -home parent is a rewarding and wonderful experience. As a stay-at-home parent, you are the primary caregiver and are on hand for all the milestones in your child's life. You are there for the first time the baby says "mama" or "dada," or takes those first wobbly steps. You are there when your child gets off the school bus.

Along with the pleasures of being a stay-at-home parent, come the pains. The hours are long and the pay is lousy. Family and friends will treat you as if you sit around watching soaps all day and eat bon bons.

You may lose your identity. No longer will you be Jane (or John) Doe, Corporate Executive. You become Billy's mom or John's wife (Jane's husband).

When people ask what you do and you tell them you are a stay-at-home mom (or dad), you will usually either be dismissed as a nobody or envied by someone who wishes he or she could afford to do nothing all day.

Living on One Income

Going from a two-income family to a single-income family can be a struggle at first. To make the transition smoothly, plan ahead by building your savings while you both still work outside the home. Try to have enough set aside to cover the bills for a few months while you adjust to living on a single income.

Look closely at your budget. Cut out unnecessary expenditures.

Long Hours

One of the primary complaints I hear from stay-at-home parents is that their spouse or SO (significant other) does not understand why the stay-at-home parent needs a break from the kids. As a stay-at-home parent, be prepared to fight for your rights.

Keep a journal listing all that you did during the day. The journal is a useful tool to show your SO exactly how you spent your time. It is also a helpful reminder to get you back on track (for those days when you realize you have just spent 6 hours playing Second Life).

Loneliness and Boredom

The initial reaction to staying at home is joy at not dealing with irate customers, a phone that won't stop ringing or fast-food lunches. But, after the new wears off, you may find that you are lonely. You miss all the chaos that was your old job. You miss having grown-ups to talk to and discussing something besides what Elmo just did.

One of the best boredom fighters is organization. Having a routine will help you stay on track and keep you from falling behind. It is much quicker to clean a house that is just cluttered than it is to clean a housed that is a total wreck. By staying on top of your schedule, you will have more free time to pursue other interests and hobbies.

Get in touch with your creative side. Have you always wanted to write a novel or paint masterpieces? Here is your chance. Write that novel or paint that masterpiece, even if you are only able to write or paint during naptime.

Keeping Your Sense of Self

It happens gradually, over time. First, you become known as Bob's wife (or Sara's husband). Family and close friends will still see you as a person but to "work" people, you have become the SO.

At the kids' school and other functions, you will be known as Susie's mom (or dad). Again, family and friends will still recognize you, but to people who deal with your child, you are the mom (or dad).

Now, if you have a baby, there goes the family and friends that still recognized you as a person (at least temporarily). When you visit the grandparents, you may experience feelings of invisibility as your mom and dad descend upon the baby, cooing and smiling. Be warned...it could be 5 to 20 minutes before you are acknowledged.

All these situations can leave you feeling inadequate and can even lead to depression if you allow them to take over.

What can you do to keep your sense of self?

Cures for the Bob's wife (Sara's husband) problem: Unless you see your SO's coworkers regularly, don't let this bother you. Introduce yourself at the Christmas party and expect to have to reintroduce yourself at next work-related function. Catch up on current events and news so that you have more to talk about than the laundry and Oprah's latest guest.

Cures for the Susie's mom (dad) problem: Many times, when the soccer coach refers to you as Susie's mom (dad), it is generally because he or she is unsure of what to call you.

In this day and age of unmarried and remarried parents, it is difficult to know what to call a child's mom or dad. Just because a child is named Susie Jones, does not necessarily mean that both Susie's parents have the last name Jones.

How do you solve this problem? Introduce yourself! Be specific, "I'm Susie's mom, Sara Jones."

New baby, invisible parent problem: Know, in your heart, that your mom and dad still love you and the new will wear off in time. Take it for what it is...a well-deserved break!

Dress for Success

One trap that many stay-at-home parents fall into is "why dress up if I am not leaving the house." This dangerous trap can lead to a downward spiral if you are not careful. Eventually, if left unchecked, you will find that you spend almost every day in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Take a bath or shower and get dressed every day. You do not need to wear a suit, but put on clean, unwrinkled clothes. Put on your shoes. Fix your hair and put on make-up. Take pride in your appearance.

Corporate Mogul to Domestic Engineer

Following these few simple rules will make the transition from the corporate mogul to domestic engineer smooth and enjoyable.