Overcoming Your Fear of Houseguests: A Beginner's Guide to Stress-free Hosting

Millions of people suffer from a debilitating fear of houseguests. How do you know if you are suffering? Does the sound of the doorbell sends chills down your spine? The minute a friend or family member suggests getting together to catch up, do you immediately chime in to suggest a public place? Some cases are less severe than this. Perhaps hosting occurs regularly in your home, but you begin preparing for your guests about two months in advance and clean every nook and cranny "just in case" they see it.

Or, do you disengage from conversation and fun during their stay because you want to make sure they have their food on time and ensure that every little detail is perfect? Maybe it stems from the fear of being discovered as having house keeping skills slightly less than the Martha Stewert standard, or maybe it is because your feel like your house is adequate for entertaining.

Whatever the reason and however severe your case is, I am writing this article to help you overcome your fears because hosting friends and family should be an enjoyable pleasure instead of a torturous commitment.

So, how can you overcome this fear of houseguests? You might not be able to imagine a life where you enjoy entertaining unannounced houseguests or even expected ones on a regular basis. But I believe that by taking the time to re-evaluate the traits make a great host or hostess, and with a little practice, you can make your house a welcoming mat for your friends and family.

Take a Different Approach
Instead of thinking about all the cleaning, planning, and general preparation required for houseguests, take a moment and remember being a houseguest yourself. How would you react if your host or hostess was always about you making a fuss? Or what if there was a small stain on the carpet or a layer of dust on top of the television? Or what if your hostess seemed compelled to clean up the mess you helped to make alone? Most people would feel guilty and generally unwelcome.

The Secret
A welcoming home is not a home that is perfect, but a home where people really live. A home where messes are okay and where problems are tackled as a team is a welcoming place because no one is required to be perfect and the teamwork helps everyone feel needed and included. So the next time you get anxious about houseguests, keep this in mind. Remember how comfortable you feel at a place where you are allowed to help out and where the hosts are relaxed in their own surroundings.

Now that you know the secret, it is time to re-evaluate your usual method. Below I will expand on some typical mistakes the fearful host makes and provide you with some tips on how to alter your habits to encourage a warm, welcome atmosphere in your home.

Common Mistake #1: Constantly cleaning, cooking, preparing, etc.
Fix: You can accomplish more by doing less and encourage interaction in your home if you incorporate your guests into your work. There are few more helpless feelings in the world than to be a guest watching an anxious host buzzing around the kitchen and being shooed out the moment you suggest helping. Accept help when it is offered, ask for help when you need it, and use the task at hand as a means of enjoying the company of your guest. Remember, the faster you get the less desirable tasks out of the way, the more time you will have to hang out and chat with your guests.

Common Mistake #2: Obsessing about details
Fix: It is often necessary to plan ahead with houseguests because, well, no matter who is coming over, they have to eat and be entertained. But every detail does not need to be included in your planning. Instead, plan general ideas for the menu and entertainment options, but leave it at that. Leaving room for your guest to sleep in or have diet preferences or play a game with the kids that is not in "the plan" will help your guest feel more welcome in your home.

Common Mistake #3: Rearranging your life for a guest
Fix: Many people make the mistake of rearranging their lives for a houseguest. They cancel outside events or plans and make everything about the guest. When this happens, the guest may feel like he or she is encroaching on the life of the host. That feeling can alienate your guest and disrupt the welcoming vibe of your home. So, what is the alternative?

Why not trying incorporating your guest into your plans, or making some new plans? If you were planning on attending a local event, why not bring them along? Or if you have plans to which you cannot invite them, why not brainstorm some alternative activities for them? Give them directions to some local attractions and a list of some great area restaurants. Including them into your life instead of rearranging your life for them will allow your guest to feel like they are a part of your life.

If you have been guilty of committing these mistakes, it might take practice to change those old habits, but I am positive that following these tips, you can overcome your fear of houseguests and make your home a welcome place.