Overcoming Infertility: My Story

Finding out that I couldn't have a baby didn't really come as a surprise to me. Growing up, I never believed I would be a mother. Some small voice in my head seemed to say that I would not be able to have children. So when the ovulation kits kept coming back negative, I didn't exactly stare at them in stunned silence.

My doctor at the time was a family practice physician. She was also my husband's primary doctor and we both loved her. When I diagnosed myself with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) through the scientific method of answering a quiz in Family Circle magazine, she took me seriously (even to the point of reading the article I photocopied for her!), agreed that I very likely did have PCOS and put me on a regimen to treat it. She encouraged us to try to conceive for a year and then promised we'd talk about infertility medication.

Not surprisingly, we didn't meet with any success in that year so when I returned to see her for my yearly, she had a whole regimen set up for me. I would begin with Provera to force a period. This would be followed by the lowest dose of Clomid to force ovulation. Nature had to then take its course and we'd see if we had success. I walked out of that office with prescriptions for Provera, Clomid with a refill, and prenatal vitamins. It was the vitamin prescription that made my heart sing. This was real. I was going to need prenatal vitamins! I was going to get pregnant!

I had all the confidence in the world this would work. My doctor had sent me on my way with this plan: "Take the Clomid at this dose. If you don't get pregnant this month, but you will, take it again the next month at the same dose. If you don't get pregnant that time, but you will, call me and we'll increase it. If you're still not pregnant, come in and we'll talk about the next step. But it won't go that far, because you'll be pregnant by then." I happily took the hormones that made me crazy. Because it was going to work!

The Provera worked well. The Clomid results seemed promising when the ovulation kit came back positive. Weeks later I was presented repeatedly with negative pregnancy tests. I shrugged it off, because I knew it would happen the second round.

The second time the Clomid made me feel sick. When the ovulation test came back, it appeared negative and then questionable. I had a nasty head cold during the main ovulation week, but my husband and I soldiered on! Two weeks later? Another negative test. I thought about it long and hard and decided that I would take another year to get my health on track. I would diet and exercise and maximize my options. I was disappointed, but still knew the Clomid would eventually do the trick!

Five days later I was so exhausted I could barely make it through the day. Little things began to stress me out. I was constantly heading to the bathroom to pee. One night, we had bacon cheeseburgers for dinner and the taste of the bacon was so disgusting I thought it had gone bad. I got ready for bed and looked down to see a network of blue veins across my chest. My heart pounded and my eyes widened. Was it possible?

I decided the next morning I would take one of the two "just in case" pregnancy tests we had picked up a week or so earlier. I didn't say anything to my husband and I dreamed about babies and pregnancy tests all night. The next morning, I peed on the proverbial stick and saw one very dark line and one barely there line. I sighed, coming to terms with another negative test. Idly, I read through the instructions and saw the magic line: "one line may be lighter than the other." I could actually hear my heart beating and I began to almost hyperventilate. Was it possible?

The next few days were a blur. I took at least four more over the counter tests and a blood test at the clinic before I really believed it. I was pregnant. I was going to be someone's mommy!

I have so many priceless memories from that time, but my absolute favorite came a few days after our son was born. Our family practice doctor was our obvious choice for his pediatrician, and had some interesting information for me when I brought him in for his first appointment. She confessed that she had never prescribed fertility medication for anyone before. That she had talked it over with her husband, also a physician, and researched the options just for us. She knew us as couple and felt strongly that we would make wonderful parents. She told me that she honestly had had no idea if it would work, but had high hopes. She had planned to send us to a fertility specialist after three cycles.

But the most important part? She never, ever wavered in her total confidence when she talked to me. She gave me the gift of complete confidence that the plan would work. And it did!

I am still amazed every day that I am someone's mommy. And if I had any advice for another woman who is challenged with infertility it is this: Believe you can be a mother. Believe it will work for you. Have confidence in miracles. Because combining medical science with pure faith can and will result in a beautiful miracle of your own.