Overcoming Loneliness Over the Holidays

The feeling of loneliness over the holidays manifests itself in different ways. There is no one formula that describes the feeling of being lonely.

Just because we are alone does not imply that we must be lonely. Everyone has a different tolerance for dealing with solitude. Some people positively thrive on time spent alone in the woods, while others can't bear the thought of even a conscious minute without human companionship. Look to yourself to define where you are in between the two extremes. You first need to conclude that you are lonely before you can do anything about it.

If you have concluded that you are indeed lonely, take a moment to write down the reasons you believe this to be so. Be specific as to the cause of your loneliness, not the general fact that you may be alone most of the time. "I'm at home alone all summer." is not to say "I am lonely because I miss my child who is at camp this summer."

Don't try to look for a cure-all. "I'll go to the mall where there are lots of people." is not much of a cure even though you won't be alone. Conversely, "I'll write a letter to my child at camp." won't expose you to any more company but it may provide a level of comfort that helps counteract your lonely feeling over important holidays or other dates.

Now, address your list one item at a time. Your issues are likely to be from different causes and you need to develop specific remedies. Start with one possible solution to each problem.

Next, make a list of your positive attributes. That is not to say you should hide from your negative points, but rather concentrate on the positive for this exercise. Lonely people are often so focused on their very loneliness that it becomes self-fulfilling. And don't worry about seeming immodest. This list is only for you. Each and every person is unique and special in many ways. Identify your ways!

Now, let's examine a few more lists. For at least several of the people that are important in your life, write out why. Again, focus on the positive influences for this exercise. As you look positively upon others you may begin to understand that they may also think positively about you.

If you know someone else that may be lonely over the holidays, write down what you can do to help. The outward focus will likely be good for you and you may find the same or similar action applied to your own case could be beneficial.

The world around us tends to reward and covet popularity. To be alone or even outright lonely does not mean you are less of a person. It does not diminish your value in the eyes of others and it should also not do so in your eyes.