Overcoming a Phobia: Getting Control of an Irrational Fear

A phobia is a paralyzing fear that stops you from doing something, going somewhere, or participating in something you might otherwise like to do. It controls you. Some people have a fear of going over bridges; some fear snakes; some have a fear of certain foods. The truth is, since the fear is irrational, you can have a phobia about anything at all. Most have long, fancy names (like arachnophobia, the fear of spiders) but names don't mean a whole lot to the people who have a phobia. They just know they become paralyzed when face with their fear.

If your phobia doesn't interfere with your life too much then you have found a way to cope and get around it. But if your phobia is preventing you from doing something you really want to do then you need to do something to get over it.

Years ago there used to be a technique called 'immersion therapy'. Someone -most likely an enemy -would force you to do the thing you fear. The thinking behind this was that once you did the task or had the experience you fear you would realize how irrational it was and not have the phobia any more. Sometimes it actually worked. Most times it just made you hate the person who forced you to act and the phobia became enhanced with the additional traumatic experience.

Then the Freudians put their take on it and said that phobias were a result of unconscious sexual desires from which you needed to protect yourself and so the fear was placed on an external object. Again, sometimes that may be so. But they believed that only long term therapy to resolve the sexual conflict would resolve the phobia. That's not much help if you need to drive over a bridge to get to your new job and you can't do it.

A friend asked me to accompany him on a jump out of an airplane. He was an experienced teacher and assured me he would hold me tightly. I don't know if I have a phobia but I sure know I was scared to death at the thought of it. He pressed and I remained resistant. I could live my life very well having never jumped out of a plane. So phobia or just plain fear, I wasn't going to do it. It didn't affect my life at all and I found no reason to subject myself to something which held no enticement to me at all. If that's the kind of phobia you have my advice is to live with it.

But if your life is being seriously affected you can overcome your fear. Airlines used to hold classes for those with a fear of flying. They used a combination of education and slow exposure to work up to an actual flight. Again, it was an approach that worked for some. But since a phobia is an irrational fear providing education doesn't usually have much effect on the fear.

Most people have something they truly detest doing and avoid it at all cost. So having a phobia is pretty common. Because it makes them so uncomfortable, few people ever talk about their phobia. It's their secret. Maybe yours is a secret too.

Most of the time the most successful way to overcome a phobia is to do it yourself, or with a very trusted friend who will not push you faster than you are ready to go. Make a schedule to begin to approach the problem. It should be as often as possible in a day for as long as you can do it. Working on this once a week is not going to help. Knowing that you are going to try to move forward every two or three hours may make you anxious but it also makes a difference. The small progress you have made three hours before is not lost. You build on what you have accomplished. So make a schedule and keep it. That's what the friend may be good for; just to encourage you to keep to your schedule.

Here's an example. If you fear going over a bridge set a schedule to begin going closer to the bridge every three hours. Each time will take only a few minutes. Start wherever the phobic feeling begin. Sometimes they start at home just knowing there is a ride over a bridge needed to get to where you need to go. Just move as close as you can until the fear stops you. Then turn around. But before you do ask yourself why you are afraid right at that moment. Because right at that moment you are fine. Stay focused in the moment. Don't worry about the next few minutes. Only go as far as you can. Next time start at the spot you left off and try again to move a little closer. Remember, the fear is controlling you and you are letting it. I have found that this actually works better when the person is alone. You get braver when no one is watching. But if you need a buddy take one. Eventually the goal will be to do it alone. It doesn't matter how long it takes. What counts is that you make a schedule which you can follow and stick to it. Take a week or more if you need it but work on it regularly. If you only get so far and stop making progress keep going up to that spot. It's the frequent repetition which will be the most helpful in overcoming the fear.

The worst phobias cripple you life. If you can't do this alone call a therapist and ask them what approach they use to treat phobias. Not all therapists do this. So make sure you asked before you go. This is something you can overcome. You will have a great sense of accomplishment once you are in control of yourself instead of your fear controlling you.