Overcoming Pregnancy Loss

Many women suffer in silence after hearing the news that they have lost a pregnancy. Many are scared to express their emotions because they fear that their feelings will be seen as "over-reacting" or as being weak. Unfortunately, the newest statistic says that 1 out of every 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Stillbirths occur in 1 out of 115 pregnancies.

Pregnancy loss is a loss. It is the loss of an opportunity to parent a being that is biologically related. All those dreams you had for your child are snatched away with no warning. Here are some things that I've found to be helpful in dealing with our most recent loss.

1. Talk about it. A lot of people fear upsetting you and therefore avoid the subject. By bring the loss up it gives others the signal that it is okay to discuss. For me, it hurt more when people didn't discuss the loss. Like the baby wasn't important enough or was already forgotten about. I think about my baby several times a day and speak of the baby at least a few times a week.

2. Realize that you did nothing wrong. Unfortunately pregnancy loss is common.

3. Allow yourself to grieve. It is okay to grieve. You will go through the stages of grief. It is okay.

4. Seek counsel. Sometimes we can't deal with grief on our own and we need the insight of others. Feel free to seek out a relative, member of your clergy or even medical help.

5. Memorialize your baby. You carried a baby! Memorialize it. I have personally scrapbooked a picture of the pregnancy test, ultrasound photo and other mementos from the short time that I carried my wee one.

6. Find a support group. There are several online support groups and many hospitals have support groups as well. It really helps to talk to someone that has been where you are and can offer advice.

7. Name your baby. Some have found peace in naming their child if they knew the sex. Others have named their child a unisex name if it was still too early to know the sex of the baby.

8. Be easy on yourself. I know that certain dates are hard for me. Seeing others pregnant is bittersweet for me. I had to learn to be patient. Patient with myself and my body.

9. Don't feel like you have let your baby down if you want to try again. It is not a betrayal. Of course, follow your doctor's medical advice.